Now, I might be desperate for something that is beyond my ability to meet the minimum requirements. No consideration, heartless rules that can easily be lowered if wanted. That's what the problem is, a lack of willingness. Rather, it's being used to keep me reminded that I lack in this area, like a punishment to humiliate me.
This is something closer to my heart, so when I am getting responses like that, I feel empty. Even after trying so much, fulfilling the stuff within my ability, trying for the remaining ones, yet I get backslashes. Because not everything is up to the mark, but these can easily be lowered with just the tiniest of willingness. But there isn't any. There are other more important factors for them to consider than my emotions.
"ᵂᵒʳᵈˢ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵖⁱᶜˢ ᵃʳᵉ ᵐⁱⁿᵉ, ᵘⁿˡᵉˢˢ ᴵ ˢʰᵒᵘᵗᵒᵘᵗ ʷʰᵉʳᵉ ᵗʰᵉʸ ᶜᵃᵐᵉ ᶠʳᵒᵐ!"
Okay, no problem, I have accepted the fate that I must go on like that unless or until I reach the level of that barrier. But what after that? What if I get changed? The emotions I am craving for right now might not be left anymore.
Come on, all the backslashes I'm facing, humiliations, disrespect, will all go in vain? I mean, is it so easy to forget like nothing happened? To be honest, when I look at this matter with a calm mind, I feel like letting go, what's there in revenge, all I need is to escape from this worse situation. But in times of the moment when the incidents take place, I get furious, don't vent out right then, but the mind is like it won't forget, will go for something in return. Like work hard and wait for the right time to make them understand what it feels like to digest. Easier or not, it gets down by the throat or stays stuck.
Well, to me, more than revenge, change is needed, to get rid of this messy situation, to live a little better, to breathe fresh air. Trust me, I don't have peace on anything, like I can't even breathe fresh like I'm good. Each and every moment, I am in a stack filled with problems and tensions on how to fix them. Each and every step I take, I'm always afraid of falling down even more. To the people, I have lost respect and dignity; all the blame is on me because of a few mess-ups I made.
I don't blame anyone for my situation, but I do have serious objections to the reactions I'm getting from some of the people. Because I felt like they were doing more than I expected. I don't deserve this level of constant bad behaviour, or like that, things could have been taken a little more affectionately.
Well, what more to say, everyone has their own values and priorities, and I can't force someone to feel the same as my emotions, nor do I expect them to. At least, I could have got some respect instead of such constant rudeness. Okay, no problem, it doesn’t take much time to turn the tables. Waiting for that….