"You are living happily, enjoying life at its fullest. How will you understand me?" - Came from a friend, but does he know that I spent the previous night fully sleepless, walking here and there with a pile of tensions, and several painkillers that were just keeping me straight.
To everyone, their problems are the most superior, like that's the hardest thing on earth that one can tackle in their lifetime.
“You got the job, a fixed amount at the month-end, what's there to worry about?”- my friend to me while sipping on the cup of tea with a smile on his face. “Look at me, I'm barely earning anything with these two tuitions only,” he added.
I was like, “Oh yes, you are absolutely correct. I wish I could let you walk a mile in my shoes.”
“Why? What's the matter? I have never seen you complaining about anything, always in a jolly mood whenever we met or asked.” - with a mountain of curiosity to know why I said that.
Actually, one of my habits is not to share anything with anyone. To be honest, what would they do? Can they fix what's bugging me inside? My personal problem? My financial problem? No, nothing, max they would do is to give me condolences, sympathy, and that's it. I don't want sympathy from others; it makes me very uncomfortable.
So I was like, “Leave it, come to my stage, you will understand yourself, no need to worry now, enjoy your life while you can. These complaints are very tiny that you are making now to the ones that you might face in the coming days,” he told him with a heavy, weighted voice, in a serious manner.
He got worried, now he won't let me go without breaking the whole thing; he won't drop the matter. I now need to give him clarification.
Okay, lemme filter out as much as possible and start to tell from where he started. My month-end fixed salary makes me chill, lol. I told him to count my home rent, travel costs, food, utilities, and all other things. Most of them are known to him; over time, he has known me more than anyone. So after calculating, he found it's going over my salary, hahaha. Now he is kinda shocked at how I am managing the extra expenses. Also, it made sense to see the expense list as a total. Nothing came out from the hidden; all were pretty basic and known to him, as per our lifestyle. He never thought of it in that way.
Now he is like, “How the hell are you managing all this, like seriously? How?” - with a face of thousands of unanswered question-type expressions. I could clearly see him like mathematical equations floating around him, and he is trying to fix on which dot to connect where, to come to a satisfactory conclusion. But in the end, he is puzzled at its peak.
Then I asked, “Wait a minute, let's see how much trouble you are going through, lemme feel as well. Come on, boy! Start talking.” I was laughing inside because I know he has nothing to say like that, I know his expenses and all.
“Huh, don't make fun of me. Lemme process yours first, forget mine.” - he has no smile, all he is puzzled, as if the world seemed like an illusion to him.
“Chill, I've got my ways to handle, I'm just standing straight knowing that things will be fine soon. Just keep me in your prayers so that things get easier for me as much as possible.” I said to him.
To be honest, even if I start to think of how I am gonna handle the coming hurdles, how I have been sacrificing myself just to fulfil the needs, to keep going, everything is what astonishes me the most. All thanks to Almighty Allah that even after so many worst days, I'm still standing still, walking with the hope to fix everything alright.
Finally, he spoke about his stuff, all of which was just expenses that could easily be avoided. No fixed stuff to pay, like no utilities that you must pay each month, monthly receipts, nothing. All are his personal expenses on how he wants to spend. He can spend like 50 USD on a single headphone or can use a 3 USD one like mine, all are his personal choices. He may get branded clothes or go with the local ones as usual.
At last, he is like, “Bro, I really can't walk in your shoes, I pray and hope that you get to experience things easier.”
So yeah, none can really understand what one is going through, maybe ors seem harder, but you never know the person in front of you struggling with the hardest ones. Only if you could walk a mile in his shoes would it have been the best to understand.