Hi there, Comedy Club House. It's been a while since I let the screen letters do my talking for me. I'm not sure if that's just because I've been busy, or if some of it might be my AI phobia. How do I know the AI didn't subliminally program me to write this? Maybe if I type without looking at the screen...
That's a little better. I'll leave this paragraph unedited , just to see how I did with it. It feels like it's going okay, though I'm clumsy on this keyboard.
That actually went too well. I should delete it, then lie and say it went terrible.
This isn't a contest entry or anything, just checking in with some of the Hive jokesters, testing out new material on you guys, getting my thoughts in order...
Losing my train of thought.
Okay, maybe train is a bit hyperbolic.
I'm losing my mid-sized sedan of thought.
Go-kart? Bicylcle? Uni-cycle? Skateboard? Matchbox Car?
You can pick one, or make up your own. If yours if funnier than mine, show it to me, in the comments. If it isn't, you can still share if you want to, but c'mon, that's a pretty low bar.
When I run in to people that haven't seen me in a while, and I tell them I've been doing stand up at open mics, they all ask if I'm any good at it. I say that people seem to like when I tell them about our town getting gentrified by Amish people, and then they tell me not to quit my day job.
Then I tell them that they don't have to worry, I have no intention of quitting my day job. I'm not doing comedy because I want to have a career as a stand up comedian, I'm doing comedy because it seems like the last safe space to be a hater. It may be the only space where you can be a hater, but still make a difference in someone's life. Then they say, good, as long you you're not quitting your day job.
It's been going well. I've been hating on pharmaceutical commercials. I don't do much of that material here, because I understand that it's almost exclusively an American vice. Our television is literally about 15% drug commercial.
The people of this country are so drugged, I saw a commercial the other day for a drug that they sell to treat the side effects of other drugs. I know that sounds like a joke I wrote, but that literally happened.
I haven't been getting my performaces taped, because I've been BARELY making it to them in time, and because I'm mostly doing bits that everyone has already heard, just giving them some tweaks.
Not like, drug tweaks. I hate that addicts have ruined that word. I'm a handy person, I like to tweak things. I used to refer to myself as a tweaker.
I can't do that anymore. People think I'm suspicious enough as it is.
I'm barely making it on time because my car is finally holding together (for now, I still don't like to put more than $10 of gas in it at a time, even if the gas is cheap, and I have the money) but everyone else's crap seems to be falling apart.
We've had high winds again. Just about the only thing that hasn't fallen out of the sky around here is Auntie Em's house.
Speaking of Autie Em, her children, my cousins, have had their vehicles breaking down, and homes burning down. It's not funny, but the one whose home burned down was a former volunteer firefighter and furnace installer, so there is a bit of irony.
I've been struggling to keep up with regular chores on the homestead, irregular chores for my friends and family, and have everything wrapped up by 6:00pm, which is when I need to get on the road to get to most of the 'local' open mics in time for sign-ups, which start between 7-8.
That of course doesn't leave time to eat. That isn't so bad either, because most of the venues serve food, and the ones that don't serve food nearby. Also, since the cancer surgery, if I eat too soon before the comedy show, then I'm going to need to use the bathroom before I get back to my house that night, and nobody wants that to happen.
It's nice to be cancer free, but I'm not sure I want to spend the rest of my life with diarrhea and hemorrhoids. It might be nice if I could cycle the cancer on and off, so I have cancer but take normal shits for two years, then I'm cancer free but have diarrhea and hemorrhoids for two years.
Are you guys bored yet? I'm getting sleepy.
Oh yeah, I had a couple jokes just for the Hive community!
I think I've actually found a good use for AI. Some of you need to use it as your conscience, or at least as the friend who tells you you've had too much to drink.
I also think I've figured out a way for Hive to make a TON of money.
Get all the creatives together, and make a reality docu-series about the Drama of the Whales and Minnows. I think @blanchy, myself, and few others can figure out some sufficiently funny competitions where minnows can compete for Whale Votes, Whales can compete for DHF funding, and all the normals in between can compete for whatever the current trendy Hive Market token is.
A few shouting matches, maybe a bloody nose or two, one good rage quit, and we can sell the limited series to Netflix for millions of dollars. If we let a qualified person look at the contract before it's signed (ahem!) then residuals could be enough to keep the servers running forever, if the Hive Founders and Faithful would just commit to having their fight in person, on camera. Give the world the passion and violence they want, and we can make this place just as big and horrible as TikTok!
No need to credit my idea, if anyone wants to put this DHF proposal together. I can chip in a bunch of POB and LEO, for the normals competitions.
Well, that was a fairly quick 1000 words. I'm going to lay down and be disgusted by television for a while. It was nice having this little chat.
I'm doing well enough, Comedy Club. It seems you're also doing pretty well. Give yourselves a round of applause.
