Sometime last two weeks, I met someone I hadn’t seen in a while. While I was with said someone, I had an interaction with a person who had hurt us both so much in the past. He asked why I was still open to relating with that person, considering the fact that the impact of that persons actions, was more on me, than it was on him. I instead, just shrugged and asked him what was exactly is the point?
I’ve actually lived a life of someone that held onto grudges a lot. I found the concept of forgiveness a strange one because why exactly are you letting someone who hurt you go scot-free. It didn’t seem logical to me. I surrounded myself with people that normalized malice keeping, exhausting myself in the process.
If you asked me this question posed by the ladies of hive community some years ago, my answer might have been completely different. Truth be told, forgiveness can be a very unappealing concept. The idea of letting go of grudges, hurts and pains without getting a chance to reciprocate that hurt might seem unfair when innate peace isn’t what you desire.
I don’t know the exact time, or how I made a conscious decision to let go of past hurts and grudges but I just realized one day that I no longer looked forward to revenge. I woke up one day, and realized that I no longer allowed past sentiments hinder me from living. And that’s the beautiful thing about forgiving. You let go of it all and you find yourself blossoming. You let go of it all and you find yourself at peace. You let go of it all and you begin to live.
These days, I’ve been very thoughtful about my actions. Before I take a step, I ask myself if that which I’m about to do is really worth it? What does doing this make me? How does it impact my current my life status? I began to think through most of my actions, and I found out that so many things really weren’t worth it.
Back then, I’d be keeping malice with someone, and whenever said person approached me, my heart began racing, and I’d be finding ways to ensure I didn’t do anything to make that other person feel significant. Looking at it, from the mindset I’m developing now, it was never worth it. The racing hearts, the conscious efforts to appear nonchalant, the constant longing for the times you both shared, all these aren’t worth it. Yes, forgiveness never comes easy. It is left to you to look at the bigger picture and accept what is best for you. Either you choose to shed the weight, or to embrace them.
With forgiveness doesn’t always come with forgetting. Forgiving someone doesn’t erase the hurt they caused you. Rather, it opens you up for the best. It opens you up for peace. It opens you up for a chance to be happier. Forgiveness isn’t a must. It’s a choice for you as a human, to choose to heal yourself. Even when it seems like the person isn’t worth your forgiveness, you choose to forgive, to prioritize your peace.
For someone who believes in prioritizing peace above everything else, holding onto past grudges is one of the best ways to not achieve that. So, I make conscious effort to forgive whoever hurt me. And with this decision of mine, although life comes with its own fair share of ups and downs, I find myself surrounded these days by peace, and what matters the most.
This is my entry to the ladies of hive prompt for the week
Thanks for reading.
Images are mine.