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It’s getting harder now. It’s so difficult, so so difficult to breathe. I’m trying to pass through this, with a hollow heart and my teeth gritted so hard. I’m trying to breathe, trying to open my eyes to see a different possibility, to see something besides the pitiful excuse that is my life. I’m trying to be better; trying to stripe this me off and transform into another one. I’m trying I’m trying I’m trying so hard and it’s like all the elements, every single element is turned against me.
I can’t breathe. The air is restricted within my rib cage and I can’t seem to let it out, I can’t see to exhale. I’m clutching the front of my shirt, applying pressure to my chest, trying to get me to breathe but nothing’s happening. I can’t seem to get anything to work out fine, I can’t seem to get anything to work out right. Everything is falling apart, I’m left with pieces I can’t begin to rearrange into the right form. I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know why I’m doing anything at all. I’m scrambling around the ground, trying to recover the parts, the broken pieces. I’m trying to repair them, to fit them back in place but they were an exact version of the person I see in the mirror everyday.
I can’t seem to find my footing, I can’t seem to be stable. I’m falling, I feel myself going down fast a deep vacuum and everywhere is pitch black. So so dark and I close my eyes and brace myself, waiting for an impact that would crush my bone into pieces, like the other part of me. I wait and wait and wait and wait. And I can’t seem to stop falling. I let myself go, unclench my jaw, loosen my hands from the fists they were in, I let my arms flay through the speed down and then, I close my eyes without squeezing them shut. I let the eyelashes flutter and flutter and flutter. I let my soul go deeper and deeper. And I’m falling and falling. And falling.
I’m falling till I do not feel the wind, I’m falling till I do not know the difference between being in my bed and this. I’m falling till my heart is no longer pounding in my chest. I’m falling till I become thoughtless. I’m falling till I do not recognize the weight of my arms and legs. I fall till I do not know me anymore.
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