He was staring at me so intensely, and I'm screaming at myself to hold it together. I was lost in the deepest cobalt shade of blue, so calm and yet so fiery and I couldn't breathe. Nothing seemed to make sense anymore, the couch I sat on, the walls of the room seemed blurry. He was so captivating, so breathtaking, so intense. He had asked me a question and I was to give him an answer, to say something but my lips were trembling and I was losing my composure by just being around him. He stretched a hand to the back of his head and took off his mask, letting the plastic thing drop the floor.
Cassien took a step closer, his features softening. "Jude." He said in a way I've never heard anyone say my name. So soft, so fragile, like he was afraid I would bolt in seconds, that it was all in his head and he was hallucinating.
My lips parted, as I folded my hands in fist at my sides. Cassien never really addressed me with my name, maybe once but never again. Hearing him call me by my name did something to me. My heart was skipping and banging in my chest, all at the same time. I had butterflies in my stomach and they were flapping their wings so hard, I thought I might just collapse from the pressure.
I was trying so hard to control myself, to resist all these intensity and feelings that had managed to handcuff me and chain me to the ground. Cassien was in front of me now, and he placed a knee down to be at the same eye level with me. I couldn't breathe, I'm sure there wasn't oxygen in the room anymore because I was trying so hard to inhale but I was stiff. He held my right hand in his and stared up at me, looking at me with those beautiful eyes. Eyes I would willingly let myself get lost in.
There was a moment of silence between us. So intense, so breathtaking and so crushing. I think I might just die. Die here and now. Cassien lifted his other hand to touch my cheek, his eyes passing some unspoken words to me. Words that I couldn't understand because all I saw was pure undiluted admiration? Care? Love? I was losing my mind. I sat frozen, staring at the man on his knees in front of me. The man who had killed so many people, who had people on their knees with just his name and what I see now is an entirely different version of what he is. Of who he is. He was staring at me with genuine kindness and admiration. It was too much and I had no idea how long I'd last. How long I would be able to hold on to the rope of sanity, before he cuts it and they slack.
Cassien lets his hand linger on my face, while the other gripped my hand, not to cause pain but for support. He looked like he was struggling to breathe too, and his lips trembled. His hand moved up to brush a strand of hair on my face and go back to cup my cheek. He moved to cup my chin and I couldn't breathe. He lets his hand go to the spot under my ear, his four fingers brushing through my hair and his thumb grazing my chin. And it lingered till he touched my bottom lips. I shivered, peeling my eyes open and forcing myself not to break apart. He looked into my eyes again, as if waiting for a resistance, for me to pull back and shove him and yell at him. But I don't do any of that because I was an idiot, a fucking idiot and I couldn't care less what was right and wrong at the moment.
He grazed my bottom lip again and I'm tempted to dart my tongue out to lick it. A soft smile appeared on his face and I'm thrown off a skyscraper. He was so beautiful, so inhumanely beautiful and I'm still reeling on that when I felt his lips on mine. I'm frozen again for what felt like the tenth time. My heart was pounding so hard, so fast, I was afraid I was going to die. He kissed my bottom lip first, taking it into his mouth and pulling them right out, before he kissed the entirety of my lips. Soft and hard. I was gripping the back of his shirt, running a hand through his hair and holding my breath. It was so slow and fast, hard and soft and I'm clenching my hand around the fabric of this shirt. A moan slipped from my lips as his lips continued dancing with mine. They were so in sync, and leaving no space for the other to fall behind.
Cassien ran his free hand from my knee to my hip bone, and then they stalk further up my waist and my arms. And I'm kissing him harder, I'm feeling the pain of having restrained himself for so long through his lips and I'm surprised by how soft he is. How he makes it so soft and hard and intense at the same time. And I might just be falling again. Maybe this was another dream that felt too realistic and maybe, it was time to finally visit a psych ward.
He pushed himself up and leans to me, brushing some of my hair that had managed to get to my face to the back. And one voice at the back of my head was screaming at me, telling me how wrong this is. But I couldn't seem to stop, I was completely immersed in him. His hand snaked around my waist and suddenly, I'm being hoisted up and I'm on his lap. I felt a blush go up my neck and I was so sure my ears and face was flaming hot.
We broke up the kiss for a moment, only for our lips to find their way to each other again. He was making tiny noises beneath me and I was struggling to keep myself in one piece. I was seconds away from breaking apart in front of him. His hands trailed my upper body, pausing at my waist to hold me closer and moving to the front of my chest. My breath hitched as his fingers grazed the swell of my breast and that voice that had been screaming at the back of my head was so much louder now. Begging me to come to my senses. And I was about to ignore it and shove it into the deepest part of my being, when a knock rasped at the door.
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