When we think about the materialistic focus in society over the last 100 years, it is natural to recognize the need for a collective shift in perspective. I have witnessed misguided attempts to bring children up and “into the light” of this viewpoint. I will explain, in four points, why this endeavor is truly misguided and potentially detrimental to a child.
1) Children are meant to be materialistic. Children live almost entirely in the material world. I am not saying there is no inner life, or other dimensions to their existence; rather, the primary focus of development at the stage of childhood is in coming to terms with the physical world, rhythms, and the body. It begins with a mastery of sight, then gravity, then velocity, etc. As time progresses, the child comes up against all of the natural laws we encounter daily in this realm and take for granted. To the child, it is new and demands intense effort to master. The child does not live in the mental space. They are meant to spend their days touching, climbing, jumping, running, spilling things, tasting, licking, disassembling, reassembling, and building. There is no other way for the child to learn the physical laws of the world.
2) The brain has not yet developed the capacity for higher thinking. The child wants “excessively” because the neurological “brakes” are not functional until late childhood. The ability to solve algebraic equations marks the point where the frontal lobes are developed sufficiently to allow for better reasoning and philosophical thinking. For some children, this is age 12; for others, perhaps 14.
3) Seeing the world through your child’s eyes feels like pure LOVE to your child.
When you are standing in the line at the grocery store and your son or daughter begins whining for the big red balloon at the checkout, or the sparkly unicorn stuffed animal, try to see and feel as they are in that moment. That pure innocence and imagination does not last very long, and there is hardly anything more beautiful on earth.
Realize, your child wants to revel in the light, effortless way the balloon just floats about the room. They want to feel the strange, smooth, brightly colored surface. Perhaps, even, they might wonder what would happen if they sat on it, rolled on it, or bit into it, like a plump, juicy apple. It is pure magic, and they feel so excited to share it with you!
4) Internalized shame, Repressed Impulses When a child is shamed for natural wants and desires, this is translated to being ashamed of the self- a core wounding experience. Furthermore, by frustrating them at every turn, rather than teaching self-discipline, you may actually be setting them up for a lifetime of excesses.
If you buy them the balloon, or the whatever, you will not spoil them. Children are not spoiled by LOVE— only by lack of it.
There is a time and place to say no, but I think we should all get to saying YES a whole lot more.
Love and Light LVX
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