hey,
look.
That's me .. in the past.. so many years ago.
It might as well be a thousand lifetimes between that me and the now me the me me.
I stare at myself and I feel strange thoughts because on that day I was so happy but I didn't realize it, I thought I was sad
but
I didn't know sad not really not yet but it was coming and I was not prepared
I was stupid and unworldly but right on the brink of the undeniable sink of the ship that would sail into shark-painted waters and try to drown me
I reflect
In so many ways it seems that we just float away without feeling the breath upon our now
we don't know we have wings attached to our dreams we don't know it in time to jump into the clocks and tear the hands off
Now my coffee spills secrets into an empty room and nobody hears them
and no one cleans it up except for me me
I unspill the secrets and re-pour them into a new glass a new me filled with new dreams and new stupid things to pass my time away into the new now
And so I gaze at myself in the then and wish that I could go back in time and tell myself then what I didn't know yet what I do know now
I can't. But if I could I'd say a lot to myself
I'd tell me I'm not fat and that I'm not as ugly as I think and that I don't need to color my hair because it's not even gray yet
I'd tell myself to enjoy that tree because one day it won't be there anymore and one day I won't be there anymore at least not as much and I will miss it.
I miss it.
my head bounces from thought to thought effortlessly and yet struggling
I will lie down now and dream about new wings and I will toss a wish into the air above my head, above my bed..
let me know when I'm wearing wings let me not be so stupid about things help me dream a new dream.
©2019 s.m. (paintingangels)
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