Stage Of Growing Up?

Hello again Hive! Hello passionate writers, it's your boy @penflecto. It's been a while, I miss it here! I haven't publish any written works due to several confidential reason. I'm not really sure if I'd still be able to attract readers. To be honest I was skeptical about publishing another blog with this fine community because of not being around for a long time. My intention here is pretty clear, **I need some advice** and hopefully you'll help me.  **Is it really an opportunity to shine or is it pure darkness?** Recently, I noticed that I am failing a lot, I wasn't even sure if I'll be able to survive another struggle after barely surviving the previous disaster, ( I won't mention it) I couldn't find the bright side in it not even the lesson it brings. Everyday I am trying to think and visualize possible reasons to push, but it's just that nothing motivates me anymore. **Is it the right time keep pushing or is it the time to take a rest for a moment?**  **Does resting for atleast a year will help or will cost a lot?** Is it bad if I go and disappear for a year to heal and recover of what I'm going through or is it good to continue even though I'm suffering and struggling? Which one matters the most, me attempting to obtain inner serenity and disappointing somebody or me pushing through my limits to make someone proud even though it's hurting me? Yeah, I'm aware that I'm a man and shouldn't be publishing sh*ts and suffering like this, but I can't take this anymore. The reason behind writing this piece is that I don't have anyone to talk to about this, but even if I have somebody who's willing to listen I'll still not share (sorry).🙂 I'm not really good at expressing my feelings, all I just need is a meaningful advice.❤️  **How can I win if winning isn't in my favor?** No matter what game I played and no matter what battle I fought, **I never win!** These events really gave me difficulties in my daily life, I currently have **a stinking thinking** and yeah it's making me suffer even more. Currently, I'm starting to quit everything, I'm quitting chess, basketball, singing, reading, everything that I usually do and I might quit something else.  Actually, everything you've read is my current emotions, I'm just sitting all alone right now, talking to this useless rubics cube and questioning everything. I actually don't know what to do. I'm pretty sure some of you had already experience these kind of feelings and events. Maybe you can help by atleast giving me a meaningful message, advice, or anything. Please enlighten me, it would be a pleasure! Whatever happen, I'm glad I get the chance to live. Thank you so much hive and to my readers (if there is one) God bless! 💕 And one thing, I don't know what to do with my life, and I don't what to be useless either, by any chance can you dare or challenge me to blog about anything, depends on what you want me to do! See ya!