So the mind says: “Keep going. Keep changing. Keep fixing yourself.”
As if you’re broken.
From the moment we can speak, we are told to become.
Become better. Become stronger. Become smarter. Become what the world expects of you. “Who do you want to be when you grow up?” they ask — as if you’re not already someone. As if being you was never enough.
And we put on our armor, like good soldiers. We chase. We push. We grind. We mould ourselves to be and become these digestible forms of what we believe that the world will accept. We perform. We produce. We please.
But beneath the lot of that... we vanish.
and what they never tell you is that you can live a lifetime becoming, and still be empty.
Since you never were supposed to create yourself. But you were supposed to remember.
Now, let us talk plainly.
The world had no idea how to handle you, there was a version of you, untouched, wild, soft, that they did not know how to deal with. Perhaps you were hypersensitive. Perhaps you were too much in earnest. Perhaps, you asked some questions that adults did not know how to respond to. So they hushed you. Corrected you. Molded you.
And bit by bit you buried the inconvenient parts of yourself. The tears. The wonder. The instinct. The fire.
Not that you were a weakling--but that you were frightened. It is due to the fact that you early in life found out that love was conditional. That security had its price in genuineness. That it may be yourself that is alone.
So you were what they wanted you to be.
And now? You do not know how to retrace your steps.
In the psychological sense the brain yearns to move forward. Targets, achievements, what to do next, they provide us with the feeling of being in control. Of certainty. And what should that be the trap? What would happen to all this growing, to all this not being still? What happens when it is all a trick, a witty way of not being still?
Stillness would compel you to use your feelings.
Calm would compel you to confront the sorrow. The emptiness. The reality that however much you accomplish it will never take you any closer to the child within you who only wanted to be noticed.
So the mind says: “Keep going. Keep changing. Keep fixing yourself.”
As if you’re broken.
As if healing is about becoming someone new — rather than remembering someone ancient.