From Self-Doubt to Self-Discovery: LOH #261

 Yes, I think many of us experience this feeling every time, or perhaps once in a while, when it flashes through our minds. All the time, I have always had this negative thought that there’s a limit to my capacity when it comes to accomplishing a goal, and it is not until I am put to the test that I realise I could do it. The thought that I can’t do it to a perfect degree always clouds my mind, and that will make me not take a chance to prove myself. It’s almost like I become my own obstacle even before trying, convincing myself that I don’t meet the standard. For instance, I always have this mindset that I don’t have the capacity and ability to take a step toward making my dream come true in the aspect of travelling abroad. Whenever my sisters explain the rigorous process of travelling abroad, it makes me look less of myself, and I would immediately conclude that I don’t have the strength. It’s not that I don’t want to try, it’s just that fear makes me believe that the process is bigger than me. But on another level, I would be positive about it, assuring myself that when we get to the bridge, I would cross it. I often find comfort in that phrase because it reminds me that faith sometimes requires taking one step, even when the whole process isn’t visible. But for me to take the step, I would feel like, “No, you don’t have the ability. Just stay where you are.” The truth is, there are times I have asked where my sisters got the strength from to keep trying something until they achieve the result, whereas I get frustrated at the first trial. Then the thought comes again, confirming my inability to keep going. Whenever I think about this situation, I feel like I am not doing my best. It’s as though I am caught between the person I want to be and the person fear wants me to remain. Another example is when I am trying to find remote jobs, and then there is this thought always coming to me, especially when I find some requirements and would rather look away, thinking I can’t do it. Not until one day, someone cleared my fear away. I was made to know that the only time a thought that one isn’t capable comes is when we aren’t knowledgeable in that area; once we have understood it and put it into practice, then we don’t have to be afraid. I held onto that word, and it has helped me shape my mind and let go of any negative thoughts. Confidence is a result of what one has knowledge about, and I’ve learned that fear often feeds on ignorance. All I need to do is take a step because what I thought would be hard might be a wrong notion, but to give it a trial and realise I have just been scared for nothing. So far, that has worked for me, and the things I found myself not able to do, I do today. Anytime I think back to how I have been caged into such negativity, I smile. Growth doesn’t happen overnight; it’s a gradual awakening to one’s inner strength. Life is a risk, and we must learn to take it, especially the ones we have calculated wisely, because it is not a good idea to take a risk blindly and regret it. However, the lessons we learn are what make the difference. I now believe every step taken, no matter how small, weakens the grip of self-doubt and gives strength to the voice of courage within. --- _{*Image Source: Gemini*}