Not Who I Used to Be: My Journey of Change

 *“I used to be afraid of myself, wondering what my future would look like. Now the future came, and the things that once worried me never happened. The dreams, the mistakes, the excitement over silly things - remembering them now makes me smile. That is how change happens. I am not who I was then. That’s a radical shift.”* - Princessbusayo --- --- Reading the 2nd edition prompt from the Hive Learners Community made me smile. The question, "Who are you?" prompted me to reflect in that instant, and I found myself doing the mathematics. Fifteen years ago, I was sixteen. Looking back at where I came from and the kind of parents that raised me, I didn't make decisions for myself; they did. All my life was depended on my parents - feeding, studying, etc. At that age, I had finished secondary school and was with them, especially helping Mom to stay in her shop. I was a stubborn girl who disrespected my parents because I wanted to be free. Since I'd finished secondary school, I felt I needed the freedom, and no one should control me anymore. I even had my first love and was in a relationship, which made me grow wings like an eagle. Lol I had anger issues. Like, you could literally see my veins coming out from my neck, and my eyes turning red when I have lost it. It was so silly remembering now how I'd flare up over silly things and would not think that I wasn’t a young girl. I still acted childishly at that age, and I got insulted a lot of times - part of what made me unleash the anger in me. I was so proud of my temperament. I could remember when I was bundled away from the area where we lived. Before I could open my eyes, I was thrown at my aunt's place in Ibadan, and that moment changed my life. I first gave my life to Christ and got baptised, even though I backslid when there was no tough training or mentor to keep me going. Considering everything that has happened to me since then, the good and bad experiences, and the decisions I have made at some point in my life, if you ask me, "Are you the same person?" Of course, I am. I am still the same Busayo everyone knows. But when it comes to my personality and how I have grown, a lot has changed. My values and priorities have changed compared to then.  I am not the person who used to depend on her parents for everything. I still remember at age 17, I was still depending on my mom to buy me pants and bras, even when I was doing my NCE. While my friends and other students bought those things with their money, my mom got them for me, to the extent that I didn't know my size, even if I was asked. But that didn't bother me. When my friends would mock me and call me names like, mommy's pet, immature girl, etc, it didn't worry me. I never felt any pressure. As long as my parents were concerned, I was still their child, and it was their responsibility to take care of me. That was my mindset, and I was right. Eventually, that changed after she died, and I became an independent girl in the University, and till now, I still make decisions for myself. The phrase, no one would come and save you was something that kept reminding me that I was not a small child anymore, but now an adult who should look after herself. Thanks to Hive for being a platform that made me someone who now takes care of herself. The major decisions of my life, and when everything changed totally, were towards the end of my youth service last year. Although the little changes were there, the substantial change, one I would call a radical alteration came when I became rooted in walking with God. I got re-baptised in August last year, and my journey of knowing my true identity in Christ began. If my past self from years ago were to see me now, even though she would recognise me, but would be amazed at the transformation and definitely be proud of the growth in my life. In terms of growth, physical, emotional, financial and spiritual, they are evident in me compared to the past few years of my life. I am now the girl who would smile and love without keeping anyone in my heart. I tend to forgive easily, my anger has gone down, and I am more patient now. These major decisions are ones I am grateful for, especially my new life in Christ, which has promised things that my ordinary self couldn't and wouldn't be able to give me. In summary, my decision sums up to the scripture in Galatians 2 vs 20, which says: > I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me. I am totally a different person. A friend even commented some time ago on how I have changed and am no longer the no-nonsense girl I was before. That is the transformation in me, and the new person I am today, which is different from who I was fifteen years ago. --- _{*Images are mine*}