When Hurt Becomes a Chain

The short Christian video I watched recently was about a young man who was about to propose to his girlfriend, but suddenly became afraid and didn’t go ahead; instead, he went home to cry. First, he loved the lady so much and didn’t want such experience and pain he went through while he was a child to happen to him and affect his wife. Second, he was afraid he would end up becoming like his abusive father. It was a traumatic experience for him as he remembered. He watched his father abuse his mother every day to the extent that one day while they had their heated argument and fight, the boy wanted to come in between them so they could stop. Still, the father intentionally hit his head on the table, where he developed a big injury, and he promised his mother not to become like his father when he grew up. Another one is how a lady was determined to pass on HIV disease to every man she slept with because one man gave it to her in the past, and she successfully spread it. Or should we talk about a mother who passed on her emotional hurt to an innocent child because the husband ran away or perhaps died on her delivery day? We encounter many more such things every time.  Pain is one of the harshest realities that many people go through, because one way or the other, we would be hurt either through heartbreak, disappointment, betrayal, etc. When left unhealed, pain often repeats itself; and unfortunately, an innocent person might be a victim. A person who has been hurt emotionally may knowingly or unknowingly pass on the same pain to others. While it is possible to explain someone's action by attaching it to trauma of the past, it does not excuse them. This is because someone who was hurt in the past could choose to get healed, but instead decided to make others suffer for it, which I would say they should be held accountable for the harm they cause. Being a victim doesn't give one permission to become a source of pain for others. This is where being accountable comes in. It doesn't mean a harsh judgment, rather a way of acknowledging what you are passing through and then choosing not to let another person get hurt. **Can such an act be forgiven?** Yes, but forgiveness is a delicate process. Why so? It's because it depends on the one who offends another to recognise the damage they have caused and make an effort to change. But in a situation where such a person is bent on inflicting pain on others, then, I think it's best to stay away from such a fellow or perhaps find a way to stop them so they don't go ahead to hurt others more than they've already done. After accountability and forgiveness, I think the next important step is learning not to pass pain to others. This requires healing intentionally and building courage to forgive those who have hurt you in the past. Self-awareness is admitting that you have some wounds left from the past, and what you can do to help yourself is to seek therapy, counselling or other supportive measures that can help such a person process their emotions in healthier ways. The circle of pain is real, but it shouldn't be a yardstick to measure anyone's future. People who have been hurt aren't doomed to hurt others; they can become healers instead of letting the cycle continue. --- _{*Image Credit to Chatpgt*}