Choosing to carry hate in your mind and heart is never a wise choice and it is also a heavy burden. At the initial stage, it always seems to be a logical reply or response, you have justification or a resemblance of justification for holding that hatred. Somebody offends you and you keep the anger inside you, and sometimes the offender doesn't even know you have a problem with them. There's the deception to believe it helps you to stay somewhat powerful and dangerous.
But after some time, the anger stays inside your body and your mind and you are becoming aware of the fact that it is taking something out of you than it is taking out of that person whom you are directing the anger towards. Even if you don't become aware of it, it's almost always the case.
The interesting thing about hatred is that the destruction it brings to you is so silent, you barely see it. You get up on edge, you repeat past conversations in your mind, you bring up the same story in almost every conversation you have with anyone and you talk about it repeatedly. The one who offended you may be living through life without taking a second thought about what they did to you while you remain trapped in the past. It does not look fair at all because you're the one who got hurt, but like they say, shit happens.
The thing about hate is that it eats up your time. You have it on long nights or slow mornings. It disturbs your very own tranquility, your time for work and even during the time which is supposed to be used for relaxation. It also influences your perception of other people as well. Because someone did it to you, you think others are capable. Innocent people are going to get wrongly judged by you.
One grudge leads to a habit of anticipating the worst from everybody else. It takes no time before you begin to defend yourself against things that have not even happened and was never going to happen.
The weight on the body is also there. Anger makes your shoulders tight, your sleep is disrupted, energy is robbed of the things that are important in your life. You believed you are holding the hate but at a point in time it starts holding you instead.
All this does not mean that you have to act like everything is okay or you should forgive a person who continues to abuse you. It just means that there is a different method of handling pain other than setting your own life on fire just to teach a lesson.
You can leave, draw a line, speak with someone, mostly a therapist or someone older and wiser which you know of, or concentrate on creating something better in yourself.
The concept of forgiveness is misconstrued. People believe that it is like giving a pass or thumbs up to the other person who wronged you. But the reality is that all you need is forgiveness, and you decide to cease allowing the past to dominate all the thoughts in your mind. Make a decision to take back your time, energy, self worth and focus.
Hate is good at imprisoning you. You are free only when you release the hate not when you get revenge. It is not something that will happen instantly. You will see it is getting a little looser, then a little more, untill you no longer feel the hate.
One day you can understand that the person that you could think about every night is not living in your head rent free anymore.
It doesn't mean forget what has happened, learn the lessons. Choose how much of your life you would want to surrender to anger. The longer hate remains, the more of your life, time, energy and even money goes to waste. And the payer is always the one bearing it.