I can't help but think of the unexpectedly intelligent dolphins leaving a fucked up planet earth singing 'so long, and thanks for all the fish', laughing at how oblivious human beings are, having no idea the Vogons were planning to obliterate Earth to make way for a hyperspace bypass. If you're not sure about this analogy, what I'm trying to say is that 'hyperspace bypass' is 'environmental catatrophe' and humans don't have the imagination to see their role in it and the little changes we can all make to avert more disaster.

I'm sure I have something in common with those dolphines, trying hard not to call people stupid, even in my own head. It's mean, and it doesn't take into account people's knowledge base, their ability to process information, or a plethora of other reasons why they might just not get it.

But this week, I couldn't help it. Damn it was hard not to drip with sarcasm in online conversations about the South Australian government's decision to ban little fish.

Little fish are those fish shaped containers used for single serve soy sauce for sushi (say that fast). Of all the daft fucking things in the universe - we know single use plastics are bad, yet still we accept these by the handful at the sushi counter, along with packets of wasabi and pickled ginger.

The state becomes the first to enact a historic legislative change, banning these single use condiments from the beginning of next month.

It's a push toward environmental preservationa and avoiding waste around the country - an absolute no brainer. Why we haven't done it before is beyond me.

But.

The comments section.

'Why' Jessica moans. 'I LOVE soy sauce on my sushi! Why are you banning it!'

Darling, we aren't banning soy sauce, we're just banning the plastic in comes in, for fuck's sake.

'Huh, well, I've heard it all now' says Andrew. 'Next they'll be banning packets of tomato sauce with your pie'.

Yes, Andrew, that's the idea. Single use plastics = bad. Not single use plastics = good.

'But what are we meant to do?' says Marta. 'Bring our own soy sauce??'

Hey Marta - that's a fabulous idea! You could have a glovebox full of condiments! Tomato sauce for pasties! Vinegar for fish and chips! Chilli sauce for tacos! Mayo for burgers! We will wander round supermarket carparks with our bags of sushi crying: 'Has anyone got any soy sauce? Mine's in the other car!'

Or - how about this one, Marta? It'll blow your mind. Once upon a time, before little fish were invented, and before they became an iconic item with your california hand rolls, we had these things called bottles, made of glass, and they'd have enough soy sauce in for everyone. You could sprinkle it on your rice at the counter, or when you - god forbid - sat down for lunch for ten minutes instead of rushing off somewhere Important.

Same with the fish and chip shop. Remember the bottles of malt vinegar to splash liberally over your crispy chippies? Or the refillable tomato sauce for your sausage rolls - the trick was to insert the tip of the squeezy bottle into your meat, squeeze, and the sauce would spread out under the pastry instead of on top to drip on your white Levi's. So good. One upon a time, you didn't have a packet of tomato sauce that you'd tear open with your teeth - you'd have a bottle. I remember working in cafes and it was one of my jobs to go round and refill them from a big bottle in the storeroom, and wipe or wash the nozzles every day of encrusted tommy k.

So before you go putting your personal convenience before the environment, think about how easy it actually is to splash on some soy sauce at the counter. You're not going to die for want of little fish.

With Love,

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