Sometimes you just gotta see the positives instead of focus on how you've fucked up. Be proud of what you've tried to achieve, rather than focus on where you ended up. Listen to other people's praise of you, instead of refuse the admiration. This blanket was an exercise in such things.
She does look beautiful, folded neatly on the couch. She feels soft and luxurious. The pure wool is warm and draped over me, it's easy to fall asleep, even if I'm in the middle of watching Alien Earth and a spider creature is burying itself into the eye of a sheep.
But we're pretty good at spotting our own flaws and focussing on them, aren't we? We can see what others can't. Jamie tells me I'm the most beautiful woman in the world, and I flick down the visor and see a big hair sprouting from my chin.
I have no idea how I flipped the pattern about three quarters of the way through. I had made a few small errors, but forgave myself for those. It wasn't a particuarly easy pattern - I had to keep counting and rechecking where I was, and returning to my phone to check where I was at. Sometimes I had to tink back a few rows. I became good at spotting errors. This time, however, I just didn't notice that I stuffed up.
However, you wouldn't notice if you weren't a knitter, or weren't really looking for the fuck ups. Perhaps we can just chalk it up to the blanket having character, just as I have crows feet and more weight on my hips than I'd like. Sometimes things are just beautiful in their own special way. Sometimes I'm beautiful in my own special way. Sometimes I'm absolutely kick ass because I knitted a big fucking blanket to lay under. I might be able to create a ball of chin hairs to knit a chin hair blanket, but I have some skills, right?
On Saturday, my Mum and my best friend sat on the back deck with a wine and talked about knitting, changing the world, grief, paint colours for the house, and chin hairs. We giggle about bingo arms and under arm hair and wrinkles and age spots. We agreed that it doesn't matter at all, it's just the company you keep. The ones that love and adore you see your beauty, and love you for your flaws, because of them, as well as all the good bits.
I could unravel back to the BIG MISTAKE but I am done for now. I will live with my beautiful flaws. Besides, I want to start on Ned's blue blanket. My grandson's favourite colour is blue. How can one resist a three year old asking for you to knit them a blanket, too?
With Love,
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