Sometimes I give too many fucks. It tends to cause alot of self-imposed suffering through overthinking.
At the same time, sometimes these cycles provide opportunities for reflection - in which there might be something of value to see.
Another such situation began yesterday, carrying through today. And through it, arose the question: have I become a “hater?”
(Or would someone else’s potential assertion of such border on gaslighting, having completely misinterpreted what started the interaction, invalidating my point of view and telling me what to value? And if so, did I bring it upon myself by baiting it with something that’d be bound to evoke defensiveness?)
So there’s this dude that’s popped up on YouTube a few times. Or rather, this multi-millionaire. Perhaps its important to call him a multi-millionaire, given it’s what he addresses himself as in the titles of nearly all his videos.
There was a time 10-20 years ago I was impressed with the kind of performative displays of wealth & status characterizing his whole channel. These days, not so much. Maybe it’s maturity, maybe it’s cynicism, but I have a much harder time not seeing stuff like this as blatant ego-peacocking masquerading as “motivational/inspirational” content. (And I may not be one to judge, as valued that kinda stuff once.)
There’ve been a few times I clicked through and watched a little, but was consistently turned off by the air of narcissism - whether legitimate, or merely a byproduct of my own projections & filters. Maybe there’s some subconscious jealousy & envy mixed in with disappointment of not having lived up to former dreams of such high levels of “success.” Maybe I’m more attuned to seeing through the bullshit of an ego-driven social media “influencer” culture at this point. Maybe a bit of both. Maybe I’m just giving too many fucks about the wrong things, either way, by giving any of this any attention.
As much as there was a little curiosity sparked with the guy’s well-marketed presentations in the recommendations, one of his videos in particular filmed in Bali struck a discordant cord, as the pro-level dramatic videography captured his trip to an orphanage… complete with a police entourage.
Awww, what a good guy… giving to the poor, unfortunate orphans… and seizing it as a photo op. Yeah, go ahead and call me bitter, pessimistic, whatever. Yeah, the generosity of charity is a “good” thing. And maybe the intentions to broadcast it globally to hundreds of thousands of people is to “inspire,” “set an example,” or something pure-hearted. (Or maybe it’s just another one of those, “look at what a good generous person I am” front; whereas true humility need not broadcast their charitable giving. Who am I to say.)
But this whole police entourage thing. It’s apparently become a thing in Bali.
Is Bali a dangerous place where it’s actually necessary to be escorted while getting driven around? Fuck no.
I could be wrong, but will be daring enough to say there’s one reason people do this: ego. To bolster some fabricated sense of being a “VIP,” and project that image to the world on social media as though its some kind of confirmation of how “successful,” “powerful,” and/or “important” they are. If anyone has any other rational explanation and can prove me wrong, please do.
So yesterday, one of dude’s videos popped up on “how a multimillionaire travels,” and for whatever reason, I clicked through and read some comments.
When I saw someone saying how “humble” dude is, I couldn’t help myself…
In all fairness, I invited the question. In all honesty, it was already in my mind as observing my reaction to the dude.
And, there was also part of me hoping that the guy’s comment was satirical.
Like, ’wow, so humble he actually speaks to average ordinary servant people on his private jets. What a stand-up guy. Who knew this uber “successful,” “powerful” man reminding us every video title how much money he has and how amazingly luxurious his lifestyle is actually has enough human decency to treat those ‘below him’ with a little respect by talking to them. Amazing.’
Anyone else here see it, or have I just become a disgruntled old man… or “hater?”
Like I needed to be told ‘not to hate,’ and to ‘use it as inspiration.’
(It’s somewhat obvious the guy is quite likely young.)
But, I’ve been there, done that. Yeah, two decades ago, I would find “inspiration” in this flaunting of a “rich” lifestyle. I aspired to the same. I admired those that had it, followed those who achieved it with desire for the same. Though clearly, my values have changed since.
Of course, ”I can’t judge…” I get (from personal experience) how/why younger kids may look up to guys like this and find the ultra-glamorous lifestyle alluring. Though, to point & laugh at the absurdity of “humble” being used to describe the guy making sure the whole world knows how much money he has and how ‘important’ he is that it requires paid-for police entourages through the safe streets of Bali on-route to charitable photo-ops… it wasn’t a matter of “hate.” (Though, is there enough energy in my own shadows poking through with the need to have commented at all, rightfully spotted and called out - “hate” perhaps not being the correct literal word, albeit ‘you know what it meant by it’…?)
Sorry not sorry, I can’t “use it as inspiration.” Values don’t align. And don’t get me wrong, I’m not “hating” on the guy’s ”success”. Rather, questioning the need/motivations to consistently disclose how much one is financially worth to the whole world, maintain the public persona of someone “rich, powerful, important,” framing all the highlights of a luxurious lifestyle… as well as how/why/where fans would see “humble” in such an exemplification of a social media “influencer” culture with such narcissistic traits at its core.
And I get it. Yeah, guy’s just “being real.” “Not a flaunt…” ok, sure, maybe. Doing it all to motivate/inspire others… ok, honorable, yeah.
And maybe, ‘what the fuck have I done, while he’s off building all these businesses & creating jobs, giving all those gifts to orphans, inspiring 75k people with all his achievements and transparency into the lifestyle he’s rightfully earned?’
Maybe there is some part of me that’s become a “hater,” in some ways, at some times.
As much as I know where I may be coming from when “calling out” certain things with justifiable explanations, perhaps it is multi-layered.
Maybe my perceptions of such hypocrisies of a narcissistic “influencer” culture are valid. While, my role isn’t actually that to offer them unsolicited.
Maybe I - for unknown reasons yet to be illuminated from the unconscious - give too many fucks, would just be better off staying in my own lane and tending to my own business rather than commenting on others’. Maybe it’s a loser-move to give into the temptations to engage rather than bite my lip, and does just perpetuate “hate.” Then again, maybe ‘speaking my truth’ might have some unknown ripple effect down the line, my comments getting seen by others who appreciate having their same perceptions validated as they’re faced with the question of whether they’re being borderline gaslit as presented with manufactured fascades and opinions reinforcing narcissistic cultural values they see through. Or maybe nobody really gives a fuck about either of our comments, will forget about them seconds later, and I’m the fool for thinking otherwise.
I don’t fucking know.
Or maybe I do and just spelled it out rather accurately… complex, multilayered, encompassing the yin & yang of opposites and all possibilities in between at the same time.
Yada, yada, yada.