Anyway it's been a month of really bad back pain and I had a brief period earlier today when I thought it was finally easing. Nope. It's back. Looping thoughts and the same energies over and over. From everything I study and learn seem to learn and change nothing at all. Writing this won't help and will most likely just reinforce the same old patterns. commenting online has no use or help. At least in the old days it was a lot harder to embarrass myself. I just want it to stop hurting and the insanity to stop and and and on and on. essentially it's my fault so I should be able to change it. What a circle of pain. I dream of support of some sort. But. I can't afford it. imagine that. I wonder how many people suffer and die because they can't even afford friends let alone professionals. What a piece of shit life I have created. I can't find my way out
