Many years ago, Mrs Z and I worked together in a school. We were about the same age but she was married while I was still single.
Mrs Z is very tight-lipped about her life . We teachers would be talking in the staff room but she doesn't give away more than what she thought we should know.
My seat and hers in the staffroom are beside each other which means I get to see most of the things she does.
My first concern about her was her food. I knew it wasn't supposed to be my business but she was the first adult I would see who would eat food without protein in it (meat, egg or fish).
At first I didn't say anything while we would eat our food separately and quietly but after some time, I had to ask her.
“Are you a vegetarian?”, I asked her one day as we were about to start eating. She was confused at first until I pointed to her food which was as usual devoid of any form of meat, fish or eggs. Just plain concoction rice. She smiled and nodded saying she doesn't like eating them which I found absurd.
I have never seen her buy anything with money and whenever there is a voluntary contribution at work, she doesn't join in.
Then came the last term of the session where we usually have graduation parties and award giving ceremonies for the students. It's a common thing in schools that the staff would choose to buy an attire that would be worn that day.
In order to save cost, we mostly go for Ankara fabrics which consist of 6 yards for a very affordable price. But some people can choose to buy 3 or 4 yards if they have just simple styles in mind.
I was in charge of taking the number of yards for each staff member and when I asked Mrs Z, she told me to write down 2 yards for her.
I looked at her from head to toe and wondered which gown or dress she planned to make with that amount of fabric. I mean her fashion designer would have to be a magician to be able to work with 2 yards where she would need nothing less than 4 yards at least.
“Oga o, why can't you buy at least 3 yards?” I asked as I couldn't bear to ignore why she wouldn't even spend money on herself.
“That's what I can afford ma”, she replied politely and went on with what she was doing before I interrupted her.
“But, we are all receiving salary and you are paid well, plus you are married. What are you doing with your money that you wouldn't be able to buy 3 yards of ₦1500? I poked further but she chose not to respond.
“Hmmm, okay o”, I said as I shook my head, finally walking away.
I concluded that she might be a tightwad, I mean even if she wants to be prudent, the least she could do is to spend on herself and ensure she gets things she needs.
When I got back into the staff room, I could see her still writing but something changed. I noticed her eyes were a bit puffy like someone who had been crying. She lowered her head, hoping I wouldn't notice but I did. I called her name and when she looked up, her face was evident she had indeed been crying.
I asked her if anything was wrong but she shook her head saying she is fine. But I knew she was far from fine.
As I went back home that day, I began to ask myself if I had done something wrong by asking that she buys at least 3 yards instead of 2. Is that why she was crying? Is 2 yards what she could really afford? What about her salary?
All these thoughts were in my head and as much as I tried to justify what I had said to her because I found it ridiculous that a person working hard for money like she was would find it hard to spend a little on herself.
The next day as I sat beside her in the staff room I couldn't help but wonder. What could she be going through? I realized I hadn't walked a mile in her shoes so I shouldn't judge.
From that day I stopped judging her and decided I would be ready to listen if she wants to share anything. It took a long time after she had realized I had stopped being nosy before she was able to open up on her struggles with me.
The day we had a heart-to-heart, she tried so hard to hold back her tears. Her lips quiver as she spoke and I didn't know when tears started pouring down my face.
The things she shared with me that day made me see her in a different light. She is a strong woman who makes sacrifices to ensure everything goes well in her marriage even if it means denying herself some things. I didn't know the right words to say to her that day but I gave her a tight hug.
After our talk that day I started sharing some of my things with her and I made her feel comfortable accepting them. It went on for a while till she was able to start doing them again for herself.
This was one of the moments in my life where I regret ever judging someone without knowing what they were going through. I am glad I was able to make amends before she stopped working there.