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Dinner tonight was a B- and I was still enthralled by it. I realized something in that moment, a cultural difference between most of Asia and most of the West that I had neen trying to fully conceptualize for a long time.
I still don’t know how to articulate this extremely well but I feel that western people tend to be either in an ultra relaxed state or a highly stressed or explosive state. When things are good, we feel good, and when things are bad, we tend to get dramatic (generalizations of course).
In Asia people can put up with all kinds of discomfort and be ok with it, shrugging it off. They still want to eat good food and have fun with their friends or enjoy their hobbies. People generally don’t get dramatic about things that are out of their control. Meanwhile there is this kind of emotionally tennitis, a hum in the background that says things aren’t ok, they need to be better. People don’t really seem completely OK even if they are completely functional. In America it’s both extremes, people seem completely fine until one day they show you they are a complete wreck.
I am in a new place eating new food and seeing situations I’ve never seen before. My overall state is good, so I am not going to let the mediocrity of the food bother me much. It hardly exists to me.
Meanwhile on the other side of the table there is this silent awkwardness “sigh”. I get it, and I know there are western people who can let one thing out of place ruin their entire day, but that’s the thing, it didn’t ruin her day. It was more like “Things always go wrong, not a big deal but urghhh”. She couldn’t let it go, even if she wouldn’t let it ruin her night.
Luckily she is a good tempered fun person to be with so she laughed it off as she usually does, but she insisted on calling it gross before she finally agreed that it wasn’t THAT bad.
When I socialize with people here there is always an underlying awkwardness, a passive agreesive “urgh, people” that’s rarely spoken but frequently expressed in subtle ways. In the West, I think people tend to be way different depending on their mood. When they are comfortable or in their comfort zone, they’re very comfortable, and when they are not, they either make sure you know it or they act really inconsistent.
We tend to have a low tolerance for keeping things to ourselves.
Generalizations of course. But also observations about collectivist vs. individualist ideology (in reality all countries and cultures are some combination of both).
It’s not just something that is taught in school and at home. It has something to do with the topic of conversations that people choose too.
General vs. Specific
Heavy vs. Light
Consequential vs. Inconsequential
In America it was always politics, economics, world events, sports and pop culture. In East Asia most conversations I hear are about nuances between things. Subtle flavor difference between the beef at two chain restaruants, ingredients, comments on a specific flower or one of a way more pop icons than one could ever count.
People notice very small things. It can be interesting, heartwarming, and also nerve racking.
It all seems to have something to do with being detail oriented. The more you focus on the details, the more you get fixated on how things are supposed to be perhaps and it’s easy to be anxious because there is always SOMETHING our of place. The more you focus on the general, the more it tends to be all or nothing, good or bad.
As with most things, I think the sweet spot is in the middle, which is why i think it’s so important for people to be exposed to and comfortable in a variety of cultural settings.
It’s also why I live here. I feel as an outsider I have the most to gain and the most to give.
Itms strange though, I never liked to identify so much with western culture, but the longer I am here the more subtle differences I notice and I realize thstnjust because I have adapted to life here doesn’t mean I wasn’t influenced by the first 22 years of my life.
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