There's a day when we just have to give up and move on.
Have you ever woke up in the morning and your mood just wasn’t there? Either because you went to bed the night before with a clutter mind or simply what will happen in the next day doesn’t excite you at all. For me, when something like that happen, I force myself to take a different approach. Instead of being in my bed doing nothing, I think it would be better if I just taking a walk. And so I did, I went to the running track I always going.
I remember a few years ago when I was still in college, when I first received a diagnosis of health issues as an adult, I decided to live a healthier lifestyle, and really made an effort to exercise–one of the excercise was going to this running track several days a week. At some point, I came to the mindset that by moving my body, no matter how small, my mental state would improve as well. So back then, when I was having a bad day and found myself just scrolling, I would get up and go to this running track.
Maybe it’s not just about moving my body, but also combining it with a change of brighter scenery and met many people who are doing the same thing. That’s what I was thinking 2 days ago. So I put on my earphones and just walk. I arrived at the running track around 7am and stopped my walk around 8am, and then I just sat in the tribune area.
I was feeling so-so, there’s nothing to ruin my mood, but I’m not feeling any excitement either. I‘m glad I went to the running track, because getting exposed to the sun was enough to escape from the never-ending thoughts of literally nothing. These days my head has been filled with many random things that are stopping me from taking action. It's not like fear or anything, but more like a negative version of daydreaming.
I mean, sometimes when there are so many references about things that I wanna do or am interest in, it somehow becomes harder to take the first step or do anything. So sometimes, I just end up doing nothing because I feel overwhelmed. 2 days ago, after I went to the running track, I forced myself to go the library when I actually wasn’t feeling it, because I thought I would be in a better headspace if I got out of my room. But as soon as I got there, I lost focus in no time. I was planning to work on my design tasks and other things as well, but I ended up spending most of my time checking YouTube videos while I was there.
When I say “my head has been filled with many random things”, I mean it’s truly random. I can’t even write about it because it somehow feels inappropriate to share. So, distracting myself by watching YouTube videos is like my way to escaping my thoughts. Since I couldn’t force myself not to spiralling in my own thoughts, all I could do was distract my mind with something else.
I almost got mad at myself because of that, but I held back because sometimes the best I can do is the best I can do in the moment, right? There's a day when we just have to give up and move on, I told myself. Even though I didn’t end up checked off my to-do lists, but I still did something for myself, and that’s enough.
Thanks for reading, I appreciated it :)