Dipping
Drowning
Sputtering on uncertainties A world full of decisions
Are they really mine to make?
How much have I destroyed by merely touching? or daring to glance? by simply hoping?
Hoping is the crusher of dreams.
It comes in, radiant and fills the room like a million falling stars twinkling with assurances "all will go as planned".
Forgetting as you bathe in its luster that hope is cleverly disguised as
Maybe
It flips and turns like coins
fortune does not always favor the brave
Fortune favors the wealthy.
Hope is vengeful and unforgiving.
It tears you asunder when it changes its name.
Maybes echo in my ears deafening and somehow silent Screeching when the name becomes "No".
For plans that are laid bare and broken
Shattering
into pieces far too small to gather up and make whole again
I have pulverized everything I've loved With the weight of my longing.
My greed.
I am the idle and complacent creeping black that makes that coin to spin.
In the shadows of mistakes and miscalculations Resentment will surely flourish.
For myself. And all these precious things I've broken.
For these things I could never afford.
