I like being different, but it wasn't always that way. I remember getting teased a lot in school, because of the way that I dressed, the fact that I preferred animals to people and that I mostly preferred to spend time by myself. I tried to fit in and sought out some similar folk, who I felt like I could communicate with. I wasn't really into stupid gossip or all that talk about boys. I wanted to talk about the trees and nature. I also wanted to listen to music, that wasn't so popular with many others. Not my age anyhow. I guess it's no surprise then, that I don't have any childhood friends that I am still in contact with. Not one. Because I just didn't have that many to begin with.
On top of all of that I was shy and I just felt more comfortable and at ease out in nature. As I got older and in my final years of secondary school I had a very small network of friends, we connected out of our love of music. Grunge and bands whose members had already passed over from this earthly plane. Which is something we often got teased about, as well as the fact that I wore my Dad's old velvet jackets to school. I stuck out like a sore thumb, in the Midlands in Ireland, attending a small Secondary school in the middle of the boglands. But by that stage I didn't care, I had my music, the trees and my small network of friends I would hang with and chat with over lunch. And I had plans to travel the world
Plus I had books, which I devoured. Books that help expand my mind and inspire me to travel. On top of all of that, I was always super sensitive. I always felt like I could feel the pain of others, be it animals or humans. I wrote a lot of poetry back then, which was quite dark, trying to understand the suffering that occurred within the world. Trying to make sense of it. I guess I just always felt very connected to everything. I got involved in animal rights as a teenager, expressing my disgust about bloodsports, which were very common in the countryside of Ireland. That also didn't make me popular, seeing as I grew up mostly in the countryside, surrounded by farmers.
You could say I was the black sheep of the family and indeed of my area. When I was younger, I would go on long walks and I would often have the neighbours dogs come along with me, with some even following me home. I also had a wonderful connection with cows and loved to spend time in their company. This was something I loved, yet it was not something I would share with kids my age, as I would have been labelled a weirdo. I mean the neighbours kids, knew about the dogs, but if I had told anyone that I loved to hang out with cows, I would have probably been called a super freak. So I kept that to myself.
It was my secret and it brought me a lot of joy. I mean today I have a tattoo of a cow on my arm, for that very reason. But kids can be so cruel, especially when they are being taught to conform and fit in. If they see anyone not doing do, they bully them. I mean that's where it all begins. So I kept quiet and mostly to myself, the cows and the neighbours dogs were better company anyway.
So conformity was never on the books for me, from a young age, I went my own way. I put up with being called a weirdo and feral. It did hurt, but I stuck to my guns and well I am so glad I did. Because holding onto that free spirit, has kept me sane in this crazy world. It has helped me to keep my feet planted firmly on the ground as I have watched others get swept up into so many different narratives that have been poured out into the world. I have and will always be a wild one. It's something I am very proud of.
