How quickly we can lose our power, that faith we have in our own abilities. We carry too many burdens, too many expectations, our own and from others. Allowing ourselves to sink into our insecurities. It's difficult for me to write, when I am feeling defeated. My creativity dwindles, as I begin to fade away a little. Finding myself back in that old familiar pattern, of pushing myself, not caring for myself.
So it's difficult to be creative, because I have pushed myself into a corner of sorts. Not with my back up against a wall or anything, but, I have shut off parts of my self, my most creative parts. Most importantly, I have not really been dancing. It's this pattern of me punishing myself, when there is no one else there to do it to me.
I have felt myself slip into it. As my days seem heavier and more intense. But I have also had little insightful moments, where I really tune in to myself, inside of advoiding it.
I forget how grateful I am, for the life I have. for myself and girls. Because I know the alternative and I really want them to have a solid connection with the earth, be more connected with life itself, rather than all the extras we can get thrown at us. To grow up in nature. And also, because I know that is what I need too.
But even here, you still have to work with yourself and not against yourself, which I feel like we all do, to various different degrees. I do feel much gratitude, but I also feel the strain of my responsibilities as well. I love being a mum, it's intense and it can be super challenging as well. But the love and pride I have for my girls, to get to witness them grow up. To walk next to them, to love them. It is a gift.
So here I am, remembering, rediscovering who I am, coming out of a cloud, of sorts.
Taking the time to rediscover, to once again open myself up, instead of falling behind my shadow, to breathe in this new idea, for change, to transform, to meet each fragment of myself, for it is time to be reborn.
