This week's prompt episode 2 asks us: Do kids need privacy? For how long do you implement the "open-doors" policy with kids? And then, how do you allow them take over their private lives without giving them too much or being too invasive as a parent? Is there a right way to do this? And this is my response to the prompt.
We all need privacy and so do kids at a certain age in their life. It is our job as parents to guide, protect, love them and care for them but we should also give them space when needed. Balancing this is not easy but it's important.
Toddlers and children under 10 years of age are very young and there is no need for privacy. This is where we are meant to have the open-door policy. You, as a parent basically do almost everything for them at this age, ranging from bathing, to dressing up and even use toilet. You have to know where they are, and who they are with, so privacy is not necessary here.
But when they are getting older, entering their teen years, they will begin to ask for space, privacy which is normal. Even begin to lock their doors, keep a personal diary, have private conversation with friends. At this stage in their life, they are just trying to find out who they are, they are learning about themselves and their emotions and as a parent, you shouldn't be too strict with them neither should you be too relaxed about everything.
Give them privacy when they ask, but always be present in their lives. Talk to them often and let them know they can come and talk to you about anything. If you created this trust when they were younger, it will be very easy when they get older. Don't make them feel like they are being watched or monitored all the time.
You can definitely check on them from time to time because they will always be your kids but do that gently. You knock on their doors before you enter, don't think because it is your house you can barge in on them anytime you feel, that is wrong. Ask them about their day and pay attention to their change in behavior. Listen when they talk to you about their day or anything but never judge them.
Understanding and knowing your child well is very important and if you notice that they have started to hide things from you, it means something is wrong and you have to find a solution to it.
You can make them understand that privacy is not for hiding bad things, it is meant for growth and learning. Also make them understand that you are involved in their lives because you care for them and love them and it because you want to monitor them or don't trust them.
It's all about finding what works for you and your child or children. There is no perfect way to do this other than love, communication and understanding. Privacy is part of growing up, but your presence should never be missing in their lives.
All images are mine.