Privacy is one thing everyone craves at one point in time or another, regardless of how social they are; even celebrities do too, and it's never a sin to want your privacy. However, over the years there has been a thoughtful question in aspects of parenting, which talks about kids and privacy. Some categories of people believe kids should have their privacy, while some think it's not yet time for such. Who then is right regarding these subjects? In this article I'll be stating my opinion on these and several other matters that revolve around them.
To be candid, the first thought that came to mind after seeing this prompt was that no, kids don't need privacy; however, after thorough reflection on my own childhood experiences, I can't help but come to the realization that, just like adults and every other human, kids also need privacy. It may just not be the way adults have it. Giving kids privacy doesn't mean we're encouraging privacy; it only means we're giving them a sense of autonomy, emotional regulation, and an opportunity to build trust and communication.
But regardless of privacy given to kids, we must understand that they're still under our care and need regular monitoring coupled with oversight that's appropriate to their age and maturity level. We don't because we want to give a child space, then go ahead and neglect them. We live in a world that's way more exposed to diverse information that we're open to when we're kids like them, so we can't entirely use our own experience as a child to measure the level of privacy we give to them. Overall, I don't even think privacy is the best word to use for what kids need; instead, I believe giving them a little space is more like it.
Parenting comes with a lot of responsibilities, and one of them is being able to monitor our kids, so how then can you monitor your kids when they want privacy? I believe that's the place of our responsibility as parents; when they're much younger, we must monitor them, mentor them as they grow, and support them as they mature. We can be not too invasive by using monitoring tools, for example, in aspects of tech, initiating parental control on their devices; in other aspects, asking before we enter their room; allowing them to document their thoughts; or trusting them to make decisions that are great.
All of these boil down to how we've mentored them since they were little. The biblical phrase "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he grows he'll not depart from it" is very effective, so how much are you teaching your kids? Or are you just assuming they'll know these things because you're a good person or because you're a religious leader and the like? Creating a personal relationship with our kids is one effective way to give them privacy because we'll be able to trust them to not take rash decisions, and they will not keep trivial secrets from us.
No one will blame you for not giving your child privacy, but many will look down on you when, out of the luxury of privacy, you have your kids, and they do something that not only tarnishes their and your image but also raises concern about your capacity as a parent. Take, for instance, Animat, the 14-year-old daughter of a religious leader in my community. An explicit sexual tape was released on the internet, and it came as a shock to not just the father but the entire community because we know the man as a strict man.
Apparently he was strict on the outside, but on the inside he assumed his teachings and reputation would automatically reflect on his kid. To show his strictness, he refused to let his kids go out at will; he felt they were safe being indoors. At the end of the day, the daughter recorded herself doing all of those things and sent it to her boyfriend, and someone leaked it on the internet. Who is to be blamed for that? The daughter or the father?
I think both should be blamed, but mostly the father, because he didn't build any relationship with his kids, and so he couldn't lecture them like he does with other people's kids; also, he believes leaving them indoors means they're safe. So there's no point in checking on them; assuming he used to bang in unannounced on different occasions, his daughter won't have had the confidence to do such under his roof. So overall, we might give kids some privacy. I won't suggest doing it absolutely, but on a regular basis we must do something out of the ordinary to know what's going on with them. Doing that doesn't mean we don't trust our kids; it's just like a double factor authentication aside from the mentorship and relationships we've built with them, and the intentions behind these are for their own good at the end of the day.
Asked about when I can give my child privacy, the thing is, like I said earlier, I'll give them some level of privacy, and it will vary as they grow depending on their age and level of maturity. Overall what you should know is that as long as they're still under me and live under my roof, I'd keep on monitoring them and show up sometimes unannounced, even when they leave far away from me and are probably in the university and are enjoying the beauty of freedom. I'd show up unannounced because of the love I have for them and the unexpected evils I'm trying to prevent. So that's about it.
***
All photos are taken and edited on canvas.
***
Posted Using INLEO