Chapter 9 — deathtrades™: Death Is a Subscription
Emile had never liked notifications. He tolerated them the way one tolerates rain: inevitable, sometimes useful, but always vaguely depressing.
But that morning, the notification blinking across his forehead was different.
It was red.
And red meant serious.
[ deathtrade™] - Final Reminder Before Corporeal Deactivation. Please select your end+™ Package. Avoid Unauthorized Death™.
At first, Emile thought it was a joke. Some bad pop-up. A virus maybe. But the message kept pulsing, insistent, as if his mortality had just been gently double-confirmed by his operating system.
“Unbelievable,” he muttered.
He blinked twice to open the options. Only two:
ACCEPT DECLINE (subject to delayed billing)
Death, it seemed, was now a service. A premium one. He knew this, of course—everyone did. But no one ever believed the bill would actually show up.
And yet, here it was: a personalized death offer, with promotional rates and optional upgrades.
Since the passage of the Global Charter of Profitable Deaths, it was no longer legal to die for free. Death had become a monetizable window—a “terminal engagement opportunity.”
Every passing needed to be visible, shareable, data-rich, and brandable.
Governments, now little more than outsourced HR departments for LifeCorp™, had normalized the whole thing. Even cemeteries had QR codes.
On his death dashboard, Emile was presented with MORTRADE™’s latest offerings:
end+ Basic™: Sudden cardiac stop, generic background music, five virtual mourners.
end+ Comfort™: Gentle sedation, auto-generated tribute video, Instagram story with filter “Nostalgia Sepia.”
end+ Influencer™: Coordinated euthanasia with synchronized drone footage, branded coffin, 4K livestream with live chat. Sponsored by SECRET® or AquaPrime™.
end+ Forever™: Immortality via life subscription. Cancel anytime (terms apply).
He scrolled slowly, desperately searching for a button that simply read “Let me go.”
There was none.
Emile tried the only thing left to him: a written protest.
“I refuse. I want to die without ads. In peace. Like a human being.”
He hit send.
A few minutes passed. Then a reply arrived:
“Your insubordination has been noted. Your soul is now in dispute. Please wait while an Afterlife Moderator™ is assigned. Estimated response time: 666 business days.”
Emile laughed, dry and hollow.
“Even death has a waiting list now.”
Three days later, deathtrades™™ arrived in person.
The agent looked like death in a PowerPoint slide: tall, sanitized, glowing teeth, briefcase shaped like an urn.
“Good morning, Emile,” the man said with algorithmic warmth. “I’m here to help you optimize your finality.”
“I didn’t ask for this,” Emile growled.
“You’ve lived 74 years with a sponsored heart, licensed saliva, and shared thoughts. You are a monetized asset. It’s only fair that your closure generates a return on disappearance.”
The agent opened a sleek tablet. Emile’s projected exit value appeared on-screen.
“Did you know your death could fund your clone’s university?”
“I don’t have a clone.”
“Then perhaps invest in a memetic echo. It’s tax-deductible.”
“What if I refuse?” Emile asked.
The agent’s smile faltered just enough to be noticed.
“In that case, you’ll enter Post-Mortem Debt. Your heirs will be billed for your non-compliance. If no heirs exist, then your neighbors will be taxed for passive silence. No one dies alone in a connected world, sir. We are all engageable to the end.”
Emile gave in. Not out of fear. Not entirely.
He was just tired.
Tired of resisting a world where even ashes had metadata.
He chose the end+ Eco-Friendly™ Plan: Clean vaporization, AI voice-over farewell, gentle transition fade-in.
On the day of his scheduled departure, a push notification appeared worldwide:
“Emile R. says goodbye in a moment sponsored by SECRET®. SECRET® — Because death is thirsty too.”
A brief montage played: Emile dissolving into soft mist, a string quartet looping the SECRET® jingle, a sunset that somehow looked copyrighted.
Then blackness.
An hour later, his family received an automated message:
“Your loved one passed with 87% conversion rate. Congratulations! You’ve earned 1 free month of Grief+ Premium™.”
No tears. Just a confirmation email.
The page loaded slowly. Life went on, monetized, optimized, and seamlessly rebranded.
Winners SECRET ECU PEPE PLANET HOP CTP HUG TOKEN IS
@lumpiadobo
@longganisan
@hatdogsensei
@tokutaro22
@subidu
@olujose6
@hiro.guita
@tydynrain
@gatet
@iamchessguy
@servelle
@logen9f
@florenceboens
@sgcurate
@manuvert
@happyboi
@bossingclint
@xiannelee
@vaynard.fun
@anonyvoter
@itharagaian
Multi-sending program with CSV and hivekeychain verification created by @invest-time chatgpt and Deepseek
Hosted by @itharagaian (that's why he earns money whether he participates or not ^^)
https://nft.bastion.city/invest.html
CSV
lumpiadobo,0.75,SECRET,secret
longganisan,0.75,SECRET,secret
hatdogsensei,0.75,SECRET,secret
tokutaro22,0.75,SECRET,secret
subidu,0.75,SECRET,secret
olujose6,0.75,SECRET,secret
hiro.guita,0.75,SECRET,secret
tydynrain,0.75,SECRET,secret
gatet,0.75,SECRET,secret
iamchessguy,0.75,SECRET,secret
servelle,0.75,SECRET,secret
logen9f,0.75,SECRET,secret
florenceboens,0.75,SECRET,secret
sgcurate,0.75,SECRET,secret
manuvert,0.75,SECRET,secret
happyboi,0.75,SECRET,secret
bossingclint,0.75,SECRET,secret
xiannelee,0.75,SECRET,secret
vaynard.fun,0.75,SECRET,secret
anonyvoter,0.75,SECRET,secret
itharagaian,0.75,SECRET,secret
lumpiadobo,0.001,ECU,mineverse
longganisan,0.001,ECU,mineverse
hatdogsensei,0.001,ECU,mineverse
tokutaro22,0.001,ECU,mineverse
subidu,0.001,ECU,mineverse
olujose6,0.001,ECU,mineverse
hiro.guita,0.001,ECU,mineverse
tydynrain,0.001,ECU,mineverse
gatet,0.001,ECU,mineverse
iamchessguy,0.001,ECU,mineverse
servelle,0.001,ECU,mineverse
logen9f,0.001,ECU,mineverse
florenceboens,0.001,ECU,mineverse
sgcurate,0.001,ECU,mineverse
manuvert,0.001,ECU,mineverse
happyboi,0.001,ECU,mineverse
bossingclint,0.001,ECU,mineverse
xiannelee,0.001,ECU,mineverse
vaynard.fun,0.001,ECU,mineverse
anonyvoter,0.001,ECU,mineverse
itharagaian,0.001,ECU,mineversen
lumpiadobo,50,PEPE,pepe
longganisan,50,PEPE,pepe
hatdogsensei,50,PEPE,pepe
tokutaro22,50,PEPE,pepe
subidu,50,PEPE,pepe
olujose6,50,PEPE,pepe
hiro.guita,50,PEPE,pepe
tydynrain,50,PEPE,pepe
gatet,50,PEPE,pepe
iamchessguy,50,PEPE,pepe
servelle,50,PEPE,pepe
logen9f,50,PEPE,pepe
florenceboens,50,PEPE,pepe
sgcurate,50,PEPE,pepe
manuvert,50,PEPE,pepe
happyboi,50,PEPE,pepe
bossingclint,50,PEPE,pepe
xiannelee,50,PEPE,pepe
vaynard.fun,50,PEPE,pepe
anonyvoter,50,PEPE,pepe
itharagaian,50,PEPE,pepe
lumpiadobo,10,PLANET,cleanplanet
longganisan,10,PLANET,cleanplanet
hatdogsensei,10,PLANET,cleanplanet
tokutaro22,10,PLANET,cleanplanet
subidu,10,PLANET,cleanplanet
olujose6,10,PLANET,cleanplanet
hiro.guita,10,PLANET,cleanplanet
tydynrain,10,PLANET,cleanplanet
gatet,10,PLANET,cleanplanet
iamchessguy,10,PLANET,cleanplanet
servelle,10,PLANET,cleanplanet
logen9f,10,PLANET,cleanplanet
florenceboens,10,PLANET,cleanplanet
sgcurate,10,PLANET,cleanplanet
manuvert,10,PLANET,cleanplanet
happyboi,10,PLANET,cleanplanet
bossingclint,10,PLANET,cleanplanet
xiannelee,10,PLANET,cleanplanet
vaynard.fun,10,PLANET,cleanplanet
anonyvoter,10,PLANET,cleanplanet
itharagain,10,PLANET,cleanplanet
lumpiadobo,1,HUG,one !HUG free per days
longganisan,1,HUG,one !HUG free per days
hatdogsensei,1,HUG,one !HUG free per days
tokutaro22,1,HUG,one !HUG free per days
subidu,1,HUG,one !HUG free per days
olujose6,1,HUG,one !HUG free per days
hiro.guita,1,HUG,one !HUG free per days
tydynrain,1,HUG,one !HUG free per days
gatet,1,HUG,one !HUG free per days
iamchessguy,1,HUG,one !HUG free per days
servelle,1,HUG,one !HUG free per days
logen9f,1,HUG,one !HUG free per days
florenceboens,1,HUG,one !HUG free per days
sgcurate,1,HUG,one !HUG free per days
manuvert,1,HUG,one !HUG free per days
happyboi,1,HUG,one !HUG free per days
bossingclint,1,HUG,one !HUG free per days
xiannelee,1,HUG,one !HUG free per days
vaynard.fun,1,HUG,one !HUG free per days
anonyvoter,1,HUG,one !HUG free per days
itharagaian,1,HUG,one !HUG free per days
lumpiadobo,10,CTP,ctp
longganisan,10,CTP,ctp
hatdogsensei,10,CTP,ctp
tokutaro22,10,CTP,ctp
subidu,10,CTP,ctp
olujose6,10,CTP,ctp
hiro.guita,10,CTP,ctp
tydynrain,10,CTP,ctp
gatet,10,CTP,ctp
iamchessguy,10,CTP,ctp
servelle,10,CTP,ctp
logen9f,10,CTP,ctp
florenceboens,10,CTP,ctp
sgcurate,10,CTP,ctp
manuvert,10,CTP,ctp
happyboi,10,CTP,ctp
bossingclint,10,CTP,ctp
xiannelee,10,CTP,ctp
vaynard.fun,10,CTP,ctp
anonyvoter,10,CTP,ctp
itharagaian,10,CTP,ctp
lumpiadobo,1,HOPE,one !HOPE free per day
longganisan,1,HOPE,one !HOPE free per day
hatdogsensei,1,HOPE,one !HOPE free per day
tokutaro22,1,HOPE,one !HOPE free per day
subidu,1,HOPE,one !HOPE free per day
olujose6,1,HOPE,one !HOPE free per day
hiro.guita,1,HOPE,one !HOPE free per day
tydynrain,1,HOPE,one !HOPE free per day
gatet,1,HOPE,one !HOPE free per day
iamchessguy,1,HOPE,one !HOPE free per day
servelle,1,HOPE,one !HOPE free per day
logen9f,1,HOPE,one !HOPE free per day
florenceboens,1,HOPE,one !HOPE free per day
sgcurate,1,HOPE,one !HOPE free per day
manuvert,1,HOPE,one !HOPE free per day
happyboi,1,HOPE,one !HOPE free per day
bossingclint,1,HOPE,one !HOPE free per day
xiannelee,1,HOPE,one !HOPE free per day
vaynard.fun,1,HOPE,one !HOPE free per day
anonyvoter,1,HOPE,one !HOPE free per day
itharagaian,1,HOPE,one !HOPE free per day