Good day, ladies. It’s a sunny afternoon here, and I trust we’re all having a great one. Welcome to my blog.
First, I must sincerely commend the brilliant minds behind the weekly questions for discourse in the @ladiesofhive community. Since I joined, there hasn’t been a single week’s discussion that wasn’t thought-provoking or deeply reflective.
To begin, I’d love to attempt all three questions for this week.
Question 1: You were offered a job by an overseas firm in a country you have always wanted to visit. However, you can't take your immediate family ( spouse and kids) until two years later. Would you grab the opportunity and share your thoughts?
Hmm… when I first read this question, I honestly doubted if I could ever take up an offer for a dream job in another country, I have always loved to visit, rather than being with my immediate family. However, as I thought it through, considering the realities of my life at the moment, I realised that I would actually choose the dream job abroad for those two years without my family. It might sound like a selfish thought for someone like me, who truly values family togetherness.
I hate that it sounds a bit inconsiderate, but I sincerely believe it would be a sacrifice for the total well-being of my family. I think in my reality, as a single mom, it's more flexible without a spouse, just my kids.
The truth is, opportunities like that might not come often. Although I don’t entirely agree with the saying that “opportunity comes but once,” I do believe that there are rare, life-changing opportunities that can redefine everything.
So, why would I choose the job?
First, I’m blessed with a powerful and supportive family system that can fill the gap I’ll be leaving for those two years. I’m 200% sure that leaving my children with my mother would give me peace of mind. I trust her completely. She would nurture them and instil solid values just as I would.
Secondly, the separation would only be for a known and limited time. In just two years (by God’s grace), they would join me. Yes, my absence would be felt, that's obvious, but since the duration is definite, I’d see it as a temporary sacrifice for a permanent gain.
Ultimately, those two years would enable me to become familiar with the new environment, establish stability, and make informed decisions for our collective future. And at the end of it all, we’d all rejoice together. 🙏🏽
Question 2: Do you have a negative thought about yourself? What is it? And are you doing something to reframe that and adopt a positive outlook?
Yes, there’s a negative thought I’ve been battling for some years now, and it is the fear of dying from complications of sickle cell disorder, just like my late brother and several friends who were also sickle warriors.
For context: ten years ago, my family lost my immediate brother to a sickle cell complication. Out of three children, two of us (my brother and I) were born with the disorder.
That period was dark. Within just six months, I lost more than five friends who were also warriors. Each loss heightens my fears, wondering if the next pain crisis I have would be my last. Subsequently, I have also lost great minds to the same disorder.
Five years ago, when I was diagnosed with avascular necrosis( death of the bones) in my hips, that fear deepened. But I had to remain strong, especially for my mother, who had already lost one child to the same illness.
Then last year, something changed. One morning, I looked at my children and told myself, “I have to fight harder for me, for them, and for my mom.” I had disappointed my girls over and over again, and that morning was one of such disappointments. I was in pain and couldn't do school runs after I promised them.
After that experience, I came out of denial because, honestly, I have always lived in denial about that fear, but I knew how it ate me up. I only lived through those years of denial with a strong will to weather the storm, and I think it helped.
However, with my girls in the picture, I had a stronger will not only to survive but also to live and mother them. So I started finding help for myself.
Then I read something about positive affirmations, and I started practising it For months, every morning, I say to myself:
“Sickle cell won’t define me. I will live long like the days of trees. I will not die but live to declare the glory of God, because I am the difference of my kind. ” I even looked for and wrote out Bible verses about divine health and placed them on brown boards around my room. At first, they felt like mere words, but over time, they started reshaping my mindset. And even in the most painful crisis experiences, I whisper those affirmations to myself.
They didn't take the pain away, but they gave me the strength to fight and conquer from within.
I also began sharing my story with other warriors, and meeting people living with worse complications than mine who still chose to hold on to hope and joy strengthened my resolve.
Of course, I still have low moments, especially when I hear of another warrior’s passing, but I’ve learned to snap out quickly and not let fear steal my joy.
It's been challenging, but I'm glad that I had a shift in mindset and am happy about it.
Question 3: Gratitude or gratefulness helps boost our overall well-being. Do you practice a "grateful living" approach? If you do, what are you most thankful for today?
Yes, I practice grateful living. It has become a part of me now, an attitude I live by every day.
As I write this, I’m most grateful for life itself and for the fact that I’m regaining my health after my total hip replacement surgery.
These days, I’m grateful for the little things I can now do on my own: moisturising my legs (something I couldn’t do for five years), walking without pain or fear of falling, bathing, sleeping peacefully… all the simple things we often take for granted until we lose them.
I feel like I’ve been given a second chance at life, and I show my gratitude through songs of praise and worship to my Maker. It’s now a daily routine that I enjoy so much.
You only valued this lifestyle more with gratitude when I realised we can't achieve much with our own strength and abilities, something I thought was my fuel a few years back. But I have learned through life that by our strength we shall fail, and I acknowledge the existence of this supernatural being I know as God.
From time to time, I also express gratitude by sending appreciation messages to those who have played significant roles in my journey, especially my mother and brother, for their endless support.
And to my daughters, though they’re still little, I thank them too. In their innocent ways, they’ve been so understanding despite the disappointments my health sometimes caused. I make it a point to express gratitude to them often, because I want to instil in them the habit of thankfulness.
Thank you for stopping by mine today. Let me read your thoughts in the comments: what are you most grateful for? Cheers