Today is SUNDAY. Yesterday, I decided to go to church because it’s been a while since I last visited the house of God. I really missed Him. I felt that I needed to go to church to pray for my sins, for the people who have hurt me, and for those I may have wronged.

It’s on my list for these last 4 months of the year—to go to church every SUNDAY. I need to heal my mind and soul because it’s something I truly need. I lost my faith and distanced myself from Him, and maybe that’s why I lost control over many things, especially my trust in myself.

So today is my first Sunday visiting Him again. I even set an alarm on my phone for 5 A.M. I did wake up, but I don’t know why I fell asleep again. The next time I woke up, it was already 7 A.M. My gosh, I overslept! 😭🤧

So I just took a half bath since I already showered last night. I didn’t have time to dry my hair with a hairdryer. Normally, I always dry my hair after bathing because I need to wear my hearing aid, but since I overslept and didn’t have enough time, I skipped washing my hair this time.

I got myself ready. My outfit was simple—just jeans, a blouse, and slippers. I used my belt bag, the same one I’ve been carrying since last year. I was too lazy to put on makeup, so I just did my basic skincare routine: toner, moisturizing cream, sunscreen, and a bit of lip gloss. I also sprayed on my Bath & Body Works Dark Kiss body mist. I didn’t bother taking a selfie, so I just headed out and looked for my grandpa to drive me to the tricycle terminal in the next barangay.

Fast forward~ when I arrived at the tricycle terminal, I was nervous because it was already 8:43 A.M. I waited for another passenger of Manong driver, but no one came. By 9:13 A.M., Kuya Manong finally decided to go. I was so anxious then, thinking, What if I don’t make it to the mass today? What if I arrive only to see everyone leaving already? I even listened to the driver when he learned that I was going to Bayan to attend mass. He told me it was already late in the morning and that the mass might have ended. But I never lost hope. I prayed silently in my mind, asking God to wait for me—because I already missed Him so much. 🥹🙏🏻

While we were on our way to Bayan, it was a good thing that Kuya finally found another passenger along the highway. See? If only he had left earlier, I might have already been sitting in the church pew, praying together with everyone else. Wahhh 😭 Kuya naman eh!

At 9:39 A.M., we finally arrived in Bayan. I asked Manong if he could drop me off near the way to the church, because honestly, I couldn’t remember exactly where it was since it had been so long since my last visit. On top of that, I was scared to cross at the pedestrian lane because I remembered there’s no traffic enforcer there. But then he told me that the mass had already ended, so what was the point? I just smiled at him and handed him my fare, even though deep inside my patience and mood were starting to shift. Still, I calmed myself and reminded myself that it wouldn’t be right to get upset with others, especially since I was about to enter the church.

While walking, I noticed on my left side that there is a familiar way. It is the old market of our bayan. But now, it was gone, and just a small area with around 2-3 stores is now open. I remembered a little memory from when I was a kid in this place. Back then, I cried because my mom couldn’t buy me a toy, and out of frustration, she left me crying in the middle of those stores. It was just a simple and narrow market, but kids my age at that time surely carry little memories like this that we never forget—or is it just me? Nowadays, online shops are the trend. Unlike before, when mothers would usually take their kids to the market every weekend to buy things, then on Sundays they would go to church and afterwards eat out. Sometimes it was just at a carinderia, or by buying a palamig and bread to enjoy while waiting inside a tricycle for other pasaheros.

Then, on my right side, I finally saw the entrance to the church. I felt so relieved because I had finally found it! I almost got lost since I couldn’t remember the way anymore. All I knew was that the entrance was also the van terminal going to Baguio, because the path to the church is the same route that leads there.

After a few minutes of walking, I finally saw the church! I could hear the priest’s voice from outside, which meant the mass was still ongoing. I felt so relieved because it meant I could still pray. I didn’t waste any more time and headed inside, but there were already a lot of people standing outside, which meant there were no vacant seats left inside. Still, I didn’t mind not having a seat—I went in and found a comfortable spot to stand, and thankfully I did! From where I stood, I could also see the monitor that displayed the lyrics of the worship songs and the prayers to be read.

Before I took this picture, I had already spent time focusing on the mass. I prayed and knelt because there was a vacant seat with enough space in the last row. I even sang along to one of the worship songs, Tanging Yaman. I also had the chance to say ‘Peace be with you’ and to receive the sacramental bread.

Spending an hour inside the church and praying was enough for me on this first day of my every-Sunday goal of attending mass. What truly matters is that I was finally able to let God hear what I’ve been feeling over the past year.

While I was going outside, I don’t know why, but I felt so much better compared to how I felt when I first arrived. The heavy weight I had been carrying in my heart every day—the sadness and the hatred—suddenly felt lighter. I was angry at Him during those past years. I’ll admit, while I was singing the worship song, I secretly cried—good thing no one noticed me, or else I would’ve looked silly! In the end, I still turned to Him, pouring out all my pain and asking for His forgiveness. After the mass, I felt this lightness in my heart, as if that was His way of telling me that He has already forgiven me for my sins. Even now, as I’m writing this, I’m still crying, because it’s been so long since I last prayed to Him—and yet, that’s what He did for me, instantly easing the burden I was carrying.

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𝒯𝒽𝒶𝓃𝓀𝓈 𝒻ℴ𝓇 𝓇ℯ𝒶𝒹𝒾𝓃𝓰!

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