I stood in front of my mirror, struggling to fix my hair into a bun. But some stubborn stray strands refused to behave. They kept springing out as if they had a will of their own. I sighed, took a deep breath, and slumped into my bed, throwing the tiny pink comb far into the bed. My eyes were still heavy with sleep, and the ticking sound from the clock on the wall kept reminding me of how I was almost late for another day of endless traffic, work, and pretending not to hate my job.
My life felt like it was in a tight loop. I was still praying for strength that morning when I caught a whiff of his perfume from my room. A familiar scent from a sweetness that I couldn't grab on time
A familiar scent from Tade, my former neighbor from across the street. A young man I've later found myself developing a soft spot for. Even though I kept lying to myself that it was just a normal likeness and nothing more. Besides, I thought I had no space left for myself. Not to talk of anyone else.
But Tade wasn't just that kind of man. He was different. The kind who wore simple clothes but always looked neat. He had an easy smile, the type that made time slow down without you even realizing. And he was the gentlest and kindest soul I've ever met.
Whenever I got back from grocery shopping and I carried heavy bags up the stairs, it was always as if Tade was hiding somewhere so he could help. On other occasions, he'll buy suya on his way back and knock on my door with a cute smile. He'll offer me some.
“I bought extra, maybe you’ll like some.” he'll say.
Other times, he will stylishly walk slowly to the bus stop in the mornings, so that meet up with him. Then we'll have a small talk about how mad Lagos was. Just like me, he wasn't built for the Lagos lifestyle.
I never knew Mama Chinedu noticed his moves too. I wonder if her eyes ever missed anything.
Then one Saturday afternoon, as I peeled Egusi (melon seeds) with Mama Chinedu in her corridor, Tade walked by making sure to greet and brush his fingers against my shoulders. Just when he was out of sight Mama Chinedu leaned into me, resting her heavy arms on my lap, she whispered,
“Zee,” she called, her voice deep but gentle. “I don't want to believe you're blind."
I looked up to her, my fingers still moving in rhythm. “Blind?" I asked. "Ma'am, I can see you clearly. Why?”
“But you seem not to see that young man, Tade. He likes you."
I scoffed, pretending not to have any idea. "Likes me ke. Ma'am, he's just a neighbor...''
That helps you with your load and waits for you in the mornings. Don't tell me you can't see what his eyes are saying or how they fall on you with so much admiration?”
I laughed nervously. “Mama the mama, Niko (please). I don’t have time for such things. Work is already squeezing the life out of me. Relationship is another headache. You know all these na."
Mama Chinedu shook her head in disapproval. “My dear, life will not stop for you o. If you keep waiting for the right time, the right time will pass you by o. Sweetness no dey wait for everyday for your domot. Another person might carry am o (Sweetness does not stand forever at your door. You might lose it to someone else)."
I laughed.
A few months later. Tade kept on with his kindness. He offered to help with my broken generator. He saved me a meal on days I got home late. Once, he even walked me to the junction with his umbrella on a rainy day and walked home drenched.
Gradually, my heart shifted for him. At night, when I dropped my tired body on the bed, he filled my thoughts. I began to like the way he laughed, the way he scratched his head when shy, that look in his eyes.
But still, I knew I wasn't ready and didn't want to hurt him with my rejection. Not now. Not yet. Work first. Survival first.
Then one quiet evening, as I walked home from work, I found Mama Chinedu sitting on a stool by her corridor, fanning herself with a piece of cardboard.
“Zee, welcome,” Mama Chinedu greeted. I could tell she had a gist for me from the look in her eyes.
"Good evening my love." I teased her. "You look like there's a cooked gist."
She laughed. "Go and drop you back first."
I pulled a seat and sat beside her. "You know I would die before then if I don't hear it now. Drop it." I sat down and placed my face in my hands, which rested on my knees.
“Tade."
I felt my heart skip. "What about him?" I asked anxiously and was overly concerned.
Mama Chinedu squinted her eye in surprise at my reaction. "Hold up, girl. Why so interested?. I thought you didn't like him."
Shyly I smiled. "Just talk na."
"He is leaving next week. Going abroad. He got his papers.”
In a hushed breath, I asked. "And how did you know?" Almost sweating.
"He told me."
The words struck me like cold water. I blinked, not sure I heard right. “Abroad?” I couldn't hide my emotions now.
Mama Chinedu looked at me knowingly. “I told you. Sweetness doesn't wait at your door too long. Now, the boat you refused to enter is sailing away.”
That night I couldn’t sleep. I tossed, turned, and pressed my pillow against my chest. I checked my time. It wasn't too late yet. I got up, threw a shawl over my nightwear, and hurried to his door. My heart pounded as I knocked.
Tade opened, surprised. “Zerah? What a pleasant surprise.”
I smiled at the same time struggling to find words. “I know. "
There was silence. Tade looked at me to go on.
I cleared my throat. "Mama Chinedu told me you're leaving.”
“Yes,” he said softly, his eyes dropping to the floor.
"The opportunity must be a good one, “ I asked.
It’s a good opportunity. My sister is already there, and she found me the work.”
I nodded and looked at him, at the familiar smile that was not as bright as usual. “You never said anything all this time?”
He chuckled faintly. “I wanted to be sure also… I wanted... You always looked so busy, so far away. I didn’t want to disturb you.”
My throat tightened. I nodded again. He wasn't wrong. I wanted to tell him I did like him. But I feared he would think it was because I heard he was going away. I swallowed my words “Tade, I… I wish... I wish you luck." I replied. The awkwardness and pain in my voice were visible
For a moment, silence filled the small corridor. Tade’s eyes softened, and he stepped closer. “I.. I hope our friendship won't end with distance.'
I laughed forcefully. Just to kill the sadness in my heart. "I wouldn't like that either." My chest ached as though something sharp pressed against it. I wanted to scream, to beg him to stay a little longer. To ask me out on that date I rejected again, but I saw the weight in his eyes, the certainty. I swallowed my tears and nodded slowly. “Good night,” I said instead.
He nodded. "Good night."
The day he left, Mama Chinedu came to my apartment with a plate of hot jollof rice and we ate from the same plate. It is like a mother mourning her daughter's chance to love with her.
“Just so you know, there will always be a sweetness waiting for you at that door." Mama Chinedu said pointing at the door.
"And who's that?" I asked, confused.
"Me." She replied, smiling lovingly, displaying her beautiful set of teeth.
"And nothing will beat your kind of sweetness. Not even Tade." I joked.
She laughed.
I laughed.