A Grandmother's Wisdom Recalling Train Tracks Toward the University of Hard Knocks

Hello Silver Bloggers. It's been quite a while since I visited the Community. I was away delving deeper into my passion creating mixed media art projects. However, my love of short fiction writing that culminated in several serials consumed the majority of my time. Looking back on my life's journey, it dawned on me that numerous real life episodes surrounding my childhood and teen years were so drama filled that they are even better than fiction. They deserve to be shared. Numerous periods of time exist during our lives in which we look back and think, *'maybe I should have shared this experience.*' Only when we open our hearts, mind, and soul to others, does it provide them the benefit of our experiences, both good and bad, from the perspective of a life long lived. I'd been dwelling on my youth lately and the incidences that occurred in which, at the moment, I didn't have a good enough grip on how to handle relationships that involved emotional intelligence. At that age, I nor anyone else I knew could even recognize what emotional intelligence was or how it worked. Perhaps with those memories shared, others, especially young adults, may avoid pitfalls we nearly succumbed to, or sidestep harmful situations. For me, these incidences molded my perceptions of individuals and situations in my adult life. One such episode as a teen in high school involved how I perceived myself in the desire to be part of something larger than myself. A shy person, I didn't speak in a loud enough voice to be heard and taken seriously, I struggled with being recognized. The recognition I desired wasn't for being an intelligent student, rather for being identified and labeled as part of a certain group I felt contained several members who were popular for one reason or another. I didn't feel as though individuality mattered. The funny thing is that once grown, I totally switched my concept of being accepted into a clique. I can honestly say that I prefer to be in a group of one without the need to seek out numerous individuals for companionship or otherwise. I wanted to share a childhood experience I felt was relevant to my change of thinking. This past weekend, my immediate family visited. It was the perfect opportunity to share an experience with my granddaughter since she just completed her freshman year in high school.  ***Train Tracks Toward the University of Hard Knocks*** When I think of the timeline and circumstances surrounding my story, I have to remember earlier the second semester of freshman year. We'd just returned from Spring break. Excitement was building for the end of the school year. I knew nothing of that young man's character. In my eyes, he was handsome, as much as eighteen year old boys can be considered. All the girls I knew my age whispered his name in my presence. But I had a secret. He'd stared at me for the longest. Our eyes locked. Embarrassed, I looked away. He smiled, and moved on. So it was no wonder that the next week when he asked me if I wanted to be his girlfriend, I swelled with pride. Me of all people. The new, unassuming girl at the school. And a freshman at that. When he could have chosen any other girl in the school. My heart pounded the rest of the day as I saw him walking down the hall. A brief, knowing glance we exchanged. I could barely contain my excitement. All the girls in the small group I wanted to be part of congratulated me on "catching" him. Only then did the leader of the group invite me to a special meeting at her home where the other girls would be attending. I was floored in the best way. I was being accepted into "the popular" group. So off I floated down boyfriend lane. The train tracks rattled in anticipation of its load. I stood there in the gravel that lined the rails unsure which direction to go. Ahead toward home and safety. Or, Down the hill to a house I knew to be abandoned from me traveling that path. Of course, during those years, all students I knew walked home from school. The choice was mine. But at age sixteen, the path was blurred with multicolored lines I mistook for feelings of "love". Something I knew nothing about as far as intimate relationships were concerned. I had no guidance on how to proceed. You see, back in the mid 60s, parents were reluctant to discuss details of intimate relationships with their children. Afraid they'd venture out with the knowledge and experiment, they held back on crucial information. For me at least, it was devastating. School the next day was a bit awkward. I had no idea what I was going to say when I ran into the boy who'd tried to coax me into that abandoned house. I was ready to apologize and see whether we could start fresh. After all, I'd never done anything of that nature before. It didn't take long for me realize that the past two months of being in love was one-sided. There he was right in front of me standing at someone's locker. My pulse raced and my heart felt as if it had strapped on running shoes. Not only was he walking toward me, but he was walking with another girl, holding her hand and laughing. For one long moment, we both stared at each other. He was first to break the connection. He walked right past me, looking ahead as though I was invisible. And this was the same boy who pressured me the day before to have sex with him. Devastated, I ran to the girl's bathroom, entered a stall, and cried. The rest of the school day was miserable because I presumed everyone was laughing behind my back. The odd looks and smirks confirmed it in my mind. Neither of us wanted to divulge our failed encounter. He probably wouldn't want it to be spread among the other senior guys that his attempt to seduce a freshman failed. Although he assured me no one would know. He told me he liked me and that we had a future together. I didn't want it known that I allowed a senior to lure me off the beaten path next to the train tracks to an abandoned house and destiny I hadn't considered might not be in my best interest. I could say that he **coerced me** in a way I didn't yet understand. And, I didn't realize that the future I envisioned would end in two months on graduation day. Two months later after our failed encounter on the railroad tracks, rumors swirled that Angela was pregnant. I sat in fifth period, staring at my assignment dumbfounded. She was the girl I saw with Allen. My Allen! Instantly, I knew it to be true and his involvement. Allen had a plan alright. And it wasn't the one I envisioned. When I thought about it later, I realized that he'd done the same thing before to other unsuspecting girls. Well, with some of the girls in the group I wanted to be part of, I couldn't say for sure whether the advances were unwanted. The manner in which they spoke about boys fascinated me. They knew things I didn't. But never really shared their knowledge. Perhaps it was because I wasn't part of their group yet. What I didn't realize was that I'd dodged a bullet, as they say. My eagerness to have a boyfriend and be part of the twosome crowd clouded my judgement. But my gut feeling rose up and protected me. I didn't know about intimate relationships, but I felt an abandoned house wasn't right. I did feel that I had missed an opportunity of a lifetime. That was my last chance. I'd never get this far with a guy again being an actual "girlfriend". Also, what I didn't realize was that the term was in name only. Another aspect I considered later during that summer after school ended was that the girls in the group I wanted to be part of laughed at the situation. I then wondered whether they knew or was part of a setup to embarrass me. I didn't know what boyfriends and girlfriends actually did together or how they were supposed to act. Even though I had two older sisters, they were much older and had already moved away. I often think back on that day. I truly believe that God was with me keeping me safe; urging me not to go. What I didn't realize my eagerness to have a boyfriend and be part of the twosome crowd clouded my judgement. The incident changed the way I felt about desiring to be part of a social group. When I told the story to my granddaughter, the look on her face was interesting. We didn't have access to the knowledge she does today? And parenting had come a long way in terms of communication. I didn't want to instill fear; only caution to wait and see before accepting any offer to be more than friends. Even with the "friend" title, expectations can be veiled. I hope that she listened and considered my life experience story.  For my theme, I was inspired by and utilized the @daily.prompt's publishing of [2 april 2025, @mariannewest's Freewrite Writing Prompt Day 2694: he coerced me](https://peakd.com/hive-161155/@daily.prompt/2-april-2025-mariannewests-freewrite-writing-prompt-day-2694-he-coerced-me).