So, here I am, Sunday morning, after having gotten a lot of stuff done, thinking about how my ideal weekend would look like. And what I thought to be an easy task, quickly turned into a rabbit hole. It’s fathers’ day in Ecuador (and the world it seems, except for Germany), and here I am, tired, drinking coffee, running through the memories of all the weekends this year and which one I enjoyed most, but somehow not connecting to any of them. There are great memories, don’t get me wrong, in family, friends, just Lily & I – but great for that moment, not for now. And slowly, it’s dawning to me that what I really would enjoy most is:
Doing something alone. Galenkp wrote about going hiking this weekend, and I instantly thought “oh wow that’s what I’d need”. Even better, doing a hike, and afterwards lying in a hot spring pool in the Intag valley, having a beer while enjoying the sound of the river that kills all humanity. Sounds of humanity, I mean, of course. Hear nothing but the constant, yet always varying sound of waters splashing and crashing into stones, swirling around, shifting the course of an inconceivable amount of atoms each split second, and the course of the valley with it. Slowly, though in a rush. Some of the louder birds and cows may break the stereophonic monotony, but that’s okay.
A weekend without responsibilities.
Without sustaining anybody but myself. Not reading any books to anyone but myself. Not listening to the same problems in different variations, but listening to my thoughts. Not having to go shopping Sunday morning to get all I need. Not doing inventory of any kind. Not writing manuals and executive orders for every little thing that wouldn’t be done if there’s not an explicit order, no matter how obvious it is. No laundry. No family activities. No driving anywhere. No clients, no friends, no family: just me.
Just me and the shitty cellphone whose camera won’t capture even half of the beauty of my surroundings, which then leads to me taken very few pictures and enjoying through my own, natural lenses. Then, for the evening, my laptop, maybe a notebook, another beer or cocktail or glass of wine. A good meal maybe, but that’s hard to find down there, so probably some crackers and dips I brought myself.
It seems like it has been a bit much lately.
Being at Ellie's side while she's working through the death of her boss and looking for ways to get the factory back into production. Day-to-day with Lily is awesome, but work nonetheless. The bakery needed a lot of attention, and though it's going into the right direction, there were many disappointments that, too, caused stress. Some not-so-good news from home, though I'm used to those and they're to be expected, caused additional turmoil in my mind. A little too much cortisone for my taste.
So, I’ll probably head to the Intag in a week or two.
Inti Raymi is around the corner, the Festival of the Sun in the Kichwa Culture (and many others). It’s a beautiful tradition, but there are many ugly realities to it, like hyper-drunk people all over the town. Lily will be with her mom then, she's going to stay with her for the summer, probably all summer except for a week that I will take her to the beach, as she had wished for her birthday. Ellie has to work, both at the factory as well as with her daughter, and won't need much attention anyway. So I might get what I’m longing for, soon.