The office was damp and stinky and not solely due to the Java Developers penchant for removing their shoes and trotting about in their socks.
I leaned back in my chair and listened to the drumming of the rain on our tin roof.
Fucking Scottish winters. I remember when they used to actually be cold and snowy.
I thought.
Fortunately my descent into becoming an old complaining Grandpa was halted by the arrival of a snaggletooth'd monstrosity at my desk.
BoomDawg!
It brayed through a mouthpiece that a Donkey would be proud to call it's own.
I peered closely at it, realising that this was no gollum here to footer about with my ring. No, it was Bandersnatch, a bony manager in procurement.
Evening officer.
I replied.
Bandersnatch frowned then smiled. Presumably the idea of being addressed of as officer giving him some kind of semi.
You are probably wondering what brings me here?
Said Bandersnatch as if we were in an old Western movie and I were playing the part of a loose vagina'd, Saloon owning Betty and he, a poorly shaven gunslinger desperate for a whisky.
Not really.
I replied with a flat lizard-like stare.
Bandersnatch chuckled anxiously like a OG Steemian sending 10 SBD to a bidbot.
I'm here for the choir!
He examined with genuine false cheer.
Ot ucking kyre?
I said without moving my lips.
Inwardly, I congratulated myself on my astounding ventriloquism.
Bandersnatch frowned as he deciphered what I said.
The Christmas choir. We have it every year. You know, in reception? First thing in the morning? We greet everyone coming in. Christmas carols, you know... for charity?
He sounded almost desperate.
Oh that.
I sniffed.
Yes that. So what do you say, you up for it? You want to join in? It's only three mornings next week?
He asked.
I made a face as if catching someone farting into the office kettle.
Am I fuck. Isn't it just all the management arse-lickers that do the choir?
I shuddered at the very idea.
Oh go on, we are really short. No one wants to do it this year.
He fixed me with a pleading look.
I set my mouth in a grin line and folded my arms across my chest. I snorted and prepared to deliver a devastating and cleverly insulting refusal.
Oh, hi guys!
Bandersnatch and I turned to see who had dared interrupt our chest beating.
It was Fenelope a lady who was so mesmerising beautiful that each and every male in the office wished that they could be the man filling her bath with milk each morning.
I hope I'm not too late to join the choir?
She asked Bandersnatch with a smile that could resurrect dead goldfish.
Oh no. You must certainly are not, we still have a few spaces left!
Exclaimed he of the grievous tooth.
Are you up for it too?
Asked Penelope turning her radiant smile on me.
Something dark and menacing stirred in my under-thing.
Bandersnatch made to speak but I cut him off with an imperious hand.
Oh yes. Sign me up. I'm all in!